Like A Virgin by Madonna

I have no idea what's going on!
I had the TV on "mute" and when I glanced at it,
Pres Obama was yakkin away ( I know this cos his lips were moving)
He was on the news and the title thingy that comes up at the bottom of the screen, read "Dicktater"
I had to look twice, thrice even! Oh my, it just doesn't seem right... to me.
I'll listen to the late news to find out why "Da Pres" is being called a "Willypotato"
Aha!
Why was the TV on mute? I hear you asking yourself!
If you didn't ask yourself, then please pretend you did or this post ain't going anywhere fast.
I will NOT keep you in suspenders any longer my dear, darling, reader - sucking up big time -
The TV was on mute BECAUSE I was having a wee breakdown!
OH NO! cried the fan...see I like to think I'm talking to each and every one of you on a personal level - more sucking up-
Back to the wee breakdown.
As you may (or may not) know WT is in fourth Grade.
FOURTH FECKIN GRADE!
I'm pretty confident that my US readers "get it"
For those of you in the UK, read on dear hearts!
For some reason, known only to fourth grade teachers I suspect...
DEE DEE DEE DEE
( Just had a family meeting to decide how to write the first four notes of Beethoven's 5th, DEE marginally beat DA)

Just for effect *rep*

DEE DEE DEE DEE

Feckin MISSION PROJECT!
She, We, that would be I, am expected to create a model of Santa Cruz Mission.



*Laughing hysterically*
Using...get this...Items found in and around the Home.
The whole thing has to be less than 18"x18", Feckin Mission Lilliput!
WTF??
Oh, I know, lets get those tiny bells I keep handy in the bottom kitchen drawer, you know , just in case I feel the urge to build A FECKIN MISSION!


Oh and don't forget the minuscule friggin wooden door -" top shelf of the laundry"



See I always knew that wee door would come in handy!
I'm spinning people, spinning I tell ya!
*aside* TCI escaped the torment of the 4th Grade "mission proj" as we were moving house/schools and she managed to wiggle her wee bahooky out of it.
Which leaves me, a VIRGIN MISSION BUILDER!
All suggestions, ideas, sympathy will be MOST appreciated.
*note to self* feedback will determine <> sucking up.
I love you all...

As Good As I Once Was - Toby Keith

I don't usually post twice in one day but I feel the need to share.
SB is broken.
A physically broken specimen of maleness.
It's not pretty.
He's walking around- barely- in a OMG I've pooooooped my pants kinda way.
Reeking of Icy Hot.
Poor Baby?
NO feckin Eejit!
Two things happened to him this morning.

Clarification- I was NOT either of them!

1. He tried to get on his horse (bareback) from the rail of the Round Corral.
He's done it a million times.
Today, Talisker decide to walk off just as SB swung his leg over!
Result?
SB on his arse, in the dirt, Talisker looking at him like was a jackass - smart horse!

Did this cause the "broken" body?

Oh HELL NO!

SB decides to "right" himself, from flat on his back to Homo-sapien UPRIGHT...get this
By doing a feckin BACKFLIP!

*aside * he assures me that in his "soccer" days it was the "only" way to get back on yer feet!




Yeah, well thats as maybe but those days are long gone darlin!

So picture this, or not ( for those of you out there with more "delicate constitutions")

SB lunges backwards, forgetting two important details!
1. He is now OLD and OUT OF SHAPE



2. Relevant in it's own way...he's wearing a cowboy hat ( now feckin SQUISHED)

He gets to the point, of both legs, up in the air, 90deg, when...OMFG his back LOCKS!



Sad but true!
The mind was willing but the body was way smarter!
POOR BABY!

Bewitched,Bothered and Bewildered by Ella Fitzgerald

I'm being completely overwhelmed by technology at the moment.
What with "the blog" ( I've created a playlist and am trying to get it to "shuffle"), Facebook and now something called Bebo ( my wee sister has got me involved in this one) I'm exhausted...
I have been playing Club Penguin with WT and it seems much more my style!



Hell, you get a wee penguin to waddle around AND you can collect Puffles!
Behold, PUFFLES at play!



I did not know that Penguins had pets!
That's all...
Got to go teach people how NOT to terrorize horses.
Then come home and play with my wee Penguin...awwwwwwww

I'm Free by The Rolling Stones

I was pondering over my St Patricks day post and it occurred to me just how much of a pain in the bahooky I am...sometimes
Hell, if I was a 20something American, with a drizzle of Irish blood flowing in my veins I'd be first out of the gate and into the nearest pub!
365 days of the feckin YEAR!
That said, I still think the old guy was a jerk.

Which leads me quite nicely into, what makes us who we are?
My earliest childhood recollection is of a huge picture on my Grannies living room wall.
(Dads mum)
I was terrified of it.
That bluddy eye, following me around the room! The weird shapes surrounding it.
I was too young to even ask about it, all I knew was, that it was scary.



A few years later I became aware of the fact that my dad went out every Wednesday night, wearing an APRON!
WTF?
He also wore a ring with the same markings as the PICTURE.
In my innocence I never questioned the fact that I had an Uncle Mason and two cousin Masons'.
It probably should have given me a clue huh?
I mean lets face it, it was hardly a Family secret!
- Oh, let me introduce you to Mason...the Mason
By the time I understood the relevance of the "picture", apron, ring and names it was all quite a normal part of my life.
My Grandpa and two of my Uncles were Masters. It was a good thing. It was something to be proud of.
BUT it was a secret! I can't ever remember being told not to talk about it, but am very aware that I never did.
I was intrigued with my dads "wee book" Which he would let me read in the knowledge that the contents meant nothing to me.
So I was indoctrinated.
When I was 18, I dated a guy who worked as a Slater for a large construction company.
He met me one night, in a foul mood, ranting and raving about "Masonic Bastards" at his work!
I was totally stunned.
People "out there" didn't think it was a good thing?
These days it's something I think about occasionally.
When you have been brought up with certain family beliefs it is difficult to break away.
Do I agree with the Freemasonry?
All I know is, that had I been born a male...just gimme a funny handshake and call me Mason!

P.S. I found out not that long ago that my mum was a member of the Order of the Eastern Star.
When I asked her about it she said - "Oh, we danced a lot"
I'm wondering if Lilu and her Stanky Leg would qualify for membership!

The Wearin' O' The Green - Irish Folk, Traditional

Today I saw an old man walking along the street here in town.
Nothing unusual about that you might think?
OMFG, unusual does NOT even begin to describe him.
Top to bottom or bottom to top?
Lets go bottom to top...yes I did say that!

Shoes - white sneakers
Knee high socks - GREEN
Skirt! I shit you not darlins!
I think? it was supposed to be some kind of Kilt but no, alas, it was a WOMANS skirt...in charcoal grey, pleated...
T-Shirt - green with a humungus shamrock in "bling" (a wee bit o' the diamante )
Hat - Felt, Top Hat, green and white strips.

Walking along the street, Happy as a Sandboy!
It's just WRONG.
What is the matter with these people?
To clarify, Eejits like "the above" would be laughed right OUT OF IRELAND !
I am deadly ( but you knew that!) serious when I say that I am GLAD yes, GLAD, that "our" patron Saint, (that would be St Andrew, for those of you not in the know) is NOT recognised here.
It's sacrilege.
A mockery.
To all of those who claim Irish heritage...today would be a good day to go to church.



Aye it's a sad state of affairs but HEY lets put green dye in beer, wear feckin STUPID clothes and have a FECKIN PARADE...Go TEAM USA!

Oh my, I may have just lost all of my readers...

The Sound of Music by Rog & Ham

SCIENCE ODYSSEY

That's what it's called.
Kids K - 12th Grade have to present a scientific project.
WT being WT decided that she wanted to participate.
I completed her entry form following her decision to go for it...hmmmm
They are very specific about the project requirements.
Materials:
Three sided poster board, measuring 24inches(H) by 48inches (W)
Ok, thats easy, YA THINK?
Guess what dear reader?
Oh, go on, guess fer feck, sake it'll do you good to wiggle your brain cell.
Ok, ok, the answer is, it doesn't EXIST!
I found this out having spent a whole damn morning,
in every store I could think of, looking for the bluddy thing.
Trust me when I say, you can buy a plethora of poster board,in every variation of size, EXCEPT the size "they" required.
Exhausted and looking all stressed ( buttons undone, wild hair, flushed cheeks...wait...was that the night before? No matter, the general aura of dishevelment remains the same)



I stumbled into the last store on my list, running around frantically looking for "IT"

Wee side note : I don't talk in stores. I hate it.
I'm a talker, impossible to shut up most of the time but NOT in stores.
Even after 10 years here in the US, I still have somewhat of an "accent" and cannot stand the glazed look on store peoples faces when I talk to them.
I used to find it embarrassing but now it just pisses me off. It's just rude..
With no disrespect to anyone who has English as a second language, explain this to me people!

Wee Asian Wifie - Ah Lookie fo a potabode
Store Assistant - Yes, ma'am, poster board is on Isle 3.

Wee Scottish Wifie ( in best POSH Edinburgh accent) - Excuse me, I'm looking for Poster Board?
Store Assistant (glazed look, head tilted to one side) - I, ehmm , your looking for "a booster bower"?

WTF?

This happens ALL THE TIME.
It's ridiculous.
Isn't it?
Ach, this post has taken on a life of it's own...again
Suffice to say the "last" store had an English sales assistant!
Yes, I'll talk to "them" given dire circumstances ...hehehe
She took me to the poster boards, explaining that they didn't come in the sizes I needed but that it was the same every year at Science Project time...you just buy a bigger size and CUT it!
DUH.
Poster board duly bought.
Let the fun begin?

Title of WTs project ; The Sound of Music

Her Question ; What causes the strings on a Musical Instrument to make different sounds?

More to follow, I'm exhausted and that was just buying the feckin board!

Talk Dirty To Me by Poison

SB goes on business trips quite often and the "phone calls" home, tend to be a pain in the bahooky.
There are the time differences and the lengthy pauses, following the quick "how's everything" update.
THIS trip I suggested that he set up a Facebook account so that we could "chat" online.
He did.
It was ...interesting...
We were like a bluddy comedy act gone awry.
I hadn't considered the "lag" when suggesting this move into the "new age of technology"
We were answering questions, three or four questions/comments later.
Kinda like this:

Me - Are you missing me?
SB - Nah, it's better than last time.
Me - WHAT? Your not missing me?
SB - Lamb stew and a beer. It was quite tasty.
Me -What are you wittering about?
SB - Of course I love you!

It was mental!
I should have studied. They have books for people like us you know!



Lots of fun though and here's the interesting part, at least I thought it was interesting.
SB was LOL fun on-line! ( He's funny anyway but...) and "quite" the romantic!
Had I not known who I was chatting to, I would have been hard pushed to recognise him.
It went both ways,
SB - Your feckin Crazy in here! I love it!

Perhaps we should give upon verbal communication and just sit at the kitchen table IM(ing)?
Or alternatively...



Something to ponder...