Thursday, July 16, 2009

Sinking by Gwen Stefani

Honey I'm HOME!
My wee vacation on Facebook was rather nice.
She is not nearly as demanding as old "Bloggy" here!
Vacation over and back to the serious business of Blogging...
So much has happened over the last few weeks I should have plenty to tell you and I DO!
So fasten your seat belts, keep your hands by your sides and under no circumstances stand up. Unless your driving a car, then hands would be useful but you need to sign a disclaimer.
The Kitchen.
The kitchen has been remodeled.
THAT was an experience I hope never to have to live through again - EVER
I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Living with no kitchen for a week will put even the sanest member of society over the edge and I'm Wacko on a good day.
The cabinet guys were... interesting?
One clean cut Hispanic with some powerful tools, the other an aging hippie who just kinda hung around for a week in my kitchen from whence there arose some aromas. Kept the kids and dogs in a nice quiet haze of tranquility...nuff said.
The Granite guys stole the show though.
Two teeny wee Hispanics wrestling with slabs of solid Granite is NOT funny. They almost took out Scoot and missed my kitchen light by the hair of a Test-aye-cal!
Why would you employ the most feeble Mexicans from Mexico to install Granite? MENTAL!
I had to revive them with water!
No way I was calling 911 to report 2 dead Hispanics in my feckin kitchen!
After around half an hour of recovery time they started in on slab No2, poor wee buggers...
They barely survived and left wheezing,gasping,sweating,a lot hot under the collar.
Ta da my new kitchen!
I'd convinced SB that a copper sink would be beautiful.
SB being the good husband that he is went with it.
Sure enough the copper sink with the black/antique copper counters looked smashing!
Until the water was hooked up and the sink had to take on it's role of being a FECKIN KITCHEN SINK!
Why did I not know this?
Why did the thought not even cross my mind?
Copper = PATINA
The instant water hit the fecker...PATINA
I can't look at it!
SB has to give me a daily update when I ask "How's the FECKER looking this morning"
Investigation lead me to a leaflet in the box the sink came in...
"DO NOT PANIC for the first few weeks following the installation of your sink!"
PANIC? I'm sounding like a Chihuahua giving birth to a litter of feckin porcupines!
"You new sink will take time to naturally evolve"
EVOLVE? Evolution, Hmmmm...of a feckin SINK!
Shattered, is what I am.
Sometimes SB should tell me to bugger off when I have smart ass ideas, he really should.


John said...

great story. I'm saving it for when Chris wants the kitchen remodeled. I may have to send you a commission on whatever money I save!

lacochran said...

OOOOooo, welcome back, Darlin!

How does SB feel about polishing? :)

Narm said...

Thanks a lot. I'm just getting ready to do my kitchen. Now I'll have nightmares.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Yay! Fiona's back. Well, at least you got your kitchen done in a week. Someone in my house thought he could do the whole thing himself and after three months all he had done was tear one wall down leaving dust and exposed cement everywhere.

Oh, wait, that was me.

Finally, we got someone to come in and it looks lovely.

fiona said...

John - 10% ;0)

LA- thank you dear! Brasso is bought!

Narm - Anytime darlin1 ;0)

Abbot - I'll be talking about the downstairs bathroom ( SB remodel) soon...4 feckin YEARS!

Mike said...

She's BACK! And it's not even August yet.

Only a week on the kitchen remodel? I streched mine out 5 weeks. Complete gut down to studs (some replaced), wiring, plumbing, wall insulation, you name it I replaced it.

Bilbo said...

Oh, dearest Fiona, you should have called me before doing something as reckless as remodeling your kitchen! I could have told you all the stories about what was in store...all the gray hair...all the agony of dealing with contractors...why plywood counters are better than granite (smaller number of dead Mexican installers)...etc...etc. Good luck with the patina. I may have to do a post someday about OUR kitchen remodeling adventure so that you'll feel better.

Mike said...

We know you're still out there.

Mike said...

Hey! It's August!