Tuesday, June 17, 2008

We have a winner!

Down to the wire now. Counting the hours instead of the weeks then days. The kids are bouncing off the walls with the exception of The Child Iseult who remains cocooned and catatonic in bed...teenagers pah! Which delightfully leads me into an explanation of her "nick".
When I was doubly pregnant with Scoot and his sister The Child Iseult I worked as the Manager of a Residential home for Seniors. Every month the mobile Library would come and strip the bookcase of it's contents then replenish it with new material.
( I worked a shift system at the time with three supervisors and myself providing 24hr in house cover for the staff, so we had to sleep-over. When I think back I don't know how the heck I did it for almost ten years. Shift would start on a Wed at 2p.m. finish at 1o, sleep-over, then 7a.m. till 2p.m. the next day. 8 on 4 off and responsible for a Staff of 60+ not to mention the darling seniors who numbered 40)
There I am lugging myself around work and browsing the bookcase. I read a wonderful book in which the mother refersto her teenage daughter as "The Child Iseult". Now pregnancy has a way of addlepating the most sane and I was so taken with the character ,that Daughter1 has Iseult as a middle name. I can assure you, with all certainty that she has begun to live up to her name! The darnedest thing was I could not for the life of me remember the Title or Author of the book. (I suppose I can be excused for my amnesia as I had 2 preemies to take care of, then of course Scoot decided to take a separate journey for which the sex bomb and I were not prepared, still trying to get on the same flight as Scoot most days, and along came Daughter2.)
I had not thought about this for years and the other night Sex Bomb and I were chatting and it came up. Thanks to today's technology I was able to google my wee heart out and YES I found it!
I will order it as soon as we get back and have The Child Iseult read it, it'll be interesting to get her opinion.
I promise I will try to get around to getting a picture of The Trophy for you today but in the event that I don't, I have to let you know who won the June go-round.
I'm hearing a drum roll in my head, and the winner is...
The Shyster
Well Done!
I can't even pretend that it was close contest
Whilst the other nominees certainly will be back, contending for a win in the months to come, Scotland voted and it was a unanimous decision!

Monday, June 16, 2008


It all started in bed.
Daughter No2 comes blasting into our bedroom yelling "Happy Fathers Day Daddy" at the top of her very well exercised lungs. Talk about a wake up call.
The response to her uncontrolled enthusiasm was a grunt from me ( I love it when its dads day and I don't have to prop myself up and try to wake up in 2 seconds flat) and a wake up, pop up from Daddy-daddles. Scooter Boy was hot on her heels spinning and squealing like a Tasmanian Devil but no daughter2 in sight.
N.B. Daughter2 shall henceforth be referred to as "The Child Iseult"
Note to self :- explain reasons for this anon.
Well ,you can't start doing the whole card and gift thing with an AWOL child, so I had to drag myself out of bed to resuscitate her. I do not use the term flippantly, that kid sleeps so deeply it's unreal.
We did the cards and gifts then all out for breakfast.
Scooter boy has started eating Pancakes for the fist time in his life.
That said, he's introduced around 15 different foods and drinks into his diet over the past couple of months. I think his body knows that after 12 years of fries, chicken tenders and cranberry juice it needs more if it's going to grow!
He's eating apples,grapes,cherries, pizza, bacon, pancakes,maple syrup, various flavours of yogurt, fruit roll ups, bananas, orange and apple juice and those wee capri sun drinks in all flavours!
It's fantastic! You have no idea how many times we've worked with Dietitians referred by the Doctors because I worry so much about his food intake or lack of it. Apparently it's just one of those "Autistic" things and not a whole lot you can do about it. It's the first time we have EVER gone out for breakfast and not had to order french fries at 9a.m. !
Yes there sure are a whole lot if Firsts happening here.
A little aside, just to keep the peace between the warring siblings, Daughter2 continues in GATE and is my little Arty Princess and The Child Iseult has once again qualified for Honors. Go Girls!
Where was I ? Oh yes, back home and had a wonderful day. The girls worked with Dad downloading new music onto their I-Pods for the flight this week. My buddy arrived and we got the Karaoke going, Scooter Boy singing and dancing his wee heart out. You know it's really interesting that the girls can belt out a fair tune whereas Scoot ( takes to long to type scooter boy) is pitch perfect and sings beautifully...happy to report we have also recently moved on from Teletubbies, Pooh and Noddy and are singing Proclaimers songs and anything Reagge.
The evening wore on and found us trying to master the "Cha-Cha Slide" The Sex Bomb was on his game and getting down with his bad self! This "dancing daddy" has to be seen to be believed.
Mr Whimmaway called and so had a chance to chat with him before our Scottish Tour takes off.
HG and Alien Outlaw joined us at the end of the night after the singing, dancing, exhausted children had retired for the evening. We continued with the music until even the adults were fading. Lovely day. Isn't that a wonderful word? Lovely. I think I'll start a favourite words list,hmm there's a thought, I'll do it now.
On a crappy note we don't think we are going to have time to hook up with " The Irish Connection" We have been emailing back and forth but looks like it's not going to happen. Podge and Rodge, as they shall be known...she's gonna kill me for that one! hehehehe inside joke and no I'm not explaining. don't think I could even begin to explain it actually, LOL here. Podge and Rodge are busy doing "Farm" stuff and we are on a really tight agenda BUT who knows I'll say a wee prayer and hope we can maybe figure something out. I hope so.
OK time for the word list and then start packing cases.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Fathers Day Alien Abduction

Yes, I know it's Sunday already and yes, I have been negligent. So shoot me!
Do Aliens exist? That was the question on every ones lips tonight. A variety of lips I might add, some sneering, some cynical, some pondering, some grinning, some ya just wanna kiss, I digress for which I make no apologies!
So, do Aliens exist?
I think both my teenage daughter and teenage horse might be from another universe, sure as hell ain't nothing close to normal and have kind of spooky eyes when ticked off.
The sex bomb insists that he was kidnapped and had weird things done to him and then was returned safe and sound, personally I think he's just recalling the night we conceived daughter No2 and prefers to liken it to an alien abduction...whatever.
All good here tonight in my quiet wee house. The kids are asleep, as is the sex bomb and the HG My best buddy just left, see you in the auld country next week sweetie! and our dear Alien Outlaw pal went home too.
It's lovely to sit in the quiet, noisy, house and know you are in a living, breathing, loving place where everyone has succumbed to sleep in the knowledge that all is safe and well. Where trust over-rides consciousness. I've got tons of useless drivell to share but will do it tomorrow. I am going to join my sleepy, contented "family" and drift away thinking about how wonderful Fathers Day was and how wonderful a Father my children have and how wonderful life is to have given him to us and how just bluddy wonderful he is. I love love love the guy... can you tell?
Sleep well my dears

Thursday, June 12, 2008

No surprises here!

Today is the last day of school for the daughters much to the disgust of scooter boy who doesn't break off until Tuesday.
Can't believe that they are finishing 7th and 3rd grades.
I think we need to start a college fund soon!
Of course if personal loans, (which we gave with the best of intentions and which have been outstanding for months and months) were to be paid back ,we could set up accounts for all 3 kids. Should have put the kids priorities first before we decided to become part of the fckin Peace Corps, huh ?
The benefit of hindsight, benefit? not a benefit when you don't learn from it. I have to say though that my learning curve is complete at last.
Something that took me forever to understand, well actually I still don't understand it but I know how to deal with it and am better at assessing the signs, is this:-
In my country if you loan someone a $ as soon as they have a $ they repay you.
Isn't that NORMAL?
Apparently not here. Here someone can come "begging" for $$$$$ and then decide that they don't have any obligation to return it!
If we were wealthy then we could probably write it off as a stupid mistake on our part, to be suckered in, but we're not wealthy and the sex bomb and I both work hard for every penny we have. It disgusts me. Absolutley disgusts. I have no time for it and would like to point out to all of you who work darn hard for what you have, to beware of leeches.
Leeches. How awful must it have been to be leeched by "sawbones" in days long gone?
( Although they still have their uses in modern medicine) So you go to the doctor with a headache and nausea, next thing you now your being leeched, purged, and told not to bathe for a year. Thank god for Kaiser that's all I can say.
According to the sex bomb the temperatures are heading for the 90's today so I'm off to work some horses before it gets too hot.
Forgot to say, Julia Child and her "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" volumes descended yesterday. The sex bomb had his nose stuck in them all evening so who knows what gastronomic delights he has in store for us this weekend!
Also forgot ( see! I'm fckin addlepated) the 3rd nominee, wow it's getting bad, how could I forget that?
3rd Nominee, for a solo performance in "Immodica Ira Creat Insaniam" this one comes with all the bells and whistles and is a stellar performance. Shows daily and is a must be seen to be believed act, well not an act actually LOL. Although a latecomer this month this nominee is sure to be a winner, if not now then in the very near future. Don't give up, you are doing a great job!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Scottish Sunshine

Your favourite little engine is all out of steam. Favourite , yep darn spell thingy is at it AGAIN!
As I was typing, all out of steam today, my get up and go is gone. Need to find it though or there will be hell to pay, so much to do.
Just found out this morning that it's Fathers Day on Sunday. My best buddy had said that it was but between my discombobulated panic attacks and the lunatic in my brain constantly nagging
( gosh that girl can be one royal pain in the behind) I had totally forgotten.
Father's Day, pah, I don't have time to run around buying gifts and cards for the sex bomb. What do you buy the man who has everything anyway? Well the man who has enough to be getting along with for now at least. I need to think about it.
Mum was on the phone this morning, how Scottish is this... "Darlin, the weather is beautiful, clear blue skies and sunshine." "Woohoo"says I.
Switch on my computer, Google "weather in Fife"
Oh good golly, 59deg, 59 we are going to be FREEZING. Oh she also tells me that all the shops/stores have the nicest summer outfits for the kids. LOL I can just picture the three of them chittering in shorts and T's. So now I have to reassess our wardrobes and unpack the winter woolies from their hibernation bags.
Well that's Scotland for you, gets up to 65 and everyone's on the beach, hits 70 and it's a heat wave!
Thankfully the temperature only hits those kind of highs once or twice a year. I say thankfully because here's what happens:-
Everyone and I mean everyone, even the elderly, who you would think should know better, strips down and goes out in the sun for the day ( sometimes only half a day , it doesn't always last a full innings) without sunscreen.
Now you might ask yourself why would you do such a thing?
Simple, in a country which spends most of the year in partial darkness with almost constant rain, dampness, gray skies and a suicide rate higher than Seattle, when the sun comes out the whole populace goes Whacko.
They soak it up, drink it up, go to the beach, BBQ, run around wearing practically nothing, inflate paddling pools, eat ice-cream and even put their beer in the fridge! No time for sunscreen. No-one owns a bottle of the stuff and who in their right mind would take 10 or 15minutes, out of the sun, go to a store and spend money on something that you may not need again for a whole year?
The following days though, oh my,oh my. It's not a pretty sight.
We are a fair skinned, red headed race and just like the sex bomb, we burn.
You have never in your life witnessed so many people with scarlet faces greased up with after sun ( had to go buy that! raining again and it hurts!) all walking around like Robots screaming "don't touch me"
It's sad, mental but true. This from the race who brought you, the Telephone, TV, Penicillin, Microwave Ovens, the Kelvin Scale, Latent Heat, Anaesthetics, The Steam Engine, Refrigerators, Fax machines, Peter Pan, Golf...the list is endless. Give them one hot day and their brains melt!
Aye it's a grand thing to be a Scot.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

School and Palm Trees along with a New Nominee

OK so now it's Tuesday and I'm all discombobulated. I have so much to do and of course the kids are on these stupid, stupid short days. What is the problem with schools these days? We got 1 wk in spring to help with the sowing (fields that is not quilts) 6wks in summer to work around the farm/house ,1wk in fall to pick fckin potatoes and the "holiday" week for Santa. The rest of the year we were where we should be SCHOOL. I have never seen so much homework throughout the "part time" school year and why? because the kids only actually go to the place for a couple of weeks at a time. Been back a week and it's oh, time for a day off. Well I mean to say they must need it huh? Anyhoooo that's my wee tirade over for now.
Today was busy but pretty wonderful. The sex bomb and I went to the Ranch in the morning, he wanted to ride "the kid" and I had a student. I was about to ramble on but suffice to say I rode "the kid" first time for me and he was lovely. It's so cool sitting up there asking for things and watching him figure it out. He's a pretty smart guy so it was a lot of fun. Taught my lesson then home to pick up the kids. Laundry, bathrooms and now typing.
I made an observation today, why do people plant Palm Trees in residential areas?
They are as much good as a chocolate fireguard for gods sake. Huge sticks in the ground that you have to crane your neck to see the top of, they give no blooms and no fckin shade for sure!
Like all creations they have their place, on a beach, dropping coconuts on tourists heads, swaying in the breeze making wonderful vacation photographs. They are misplaced and confused in a concrete jungle and we dear readers are responsible for their current roots!
Think I'll start a "Palms back to nature" Society, hmmm how would that work then? We would need some heavy equipment to dig those suckers up, San Jose would be a good place to start though, it's like invasion of the Palm Triffids down there. Then how to get them back to their natural habitat? Anyone up for Hawaii? LOL
Did my research on Jack Robinson by the way and as it turns out there are a few possibilities . My favourite (the red line gremlin can go take a hike!) one was that between 1660 and 1679 the Officer Commanding the Tower of London was one John Robinson (Jack being a form of John) who's speed at beheading was second to none. Although he himself would not have wielded the axe it would most assuredly have been on his command. Hence "before you can say Jack Robinson"
So now you know.
A late contender has entered this months Trophy Award. I'll get to that tomorrow have to go for some groceries right now. Have a great evening.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Miz Child et al

Another weekend draws to a close. Everything went really well at work. Horses were good and the students were great, as always. Had friends round for dinner last night and bless them they had cooked up an absolute banquet of Bengali food, yum yum. The sex bomb made Indian potatoes and good old Trader Joe's supplied the side dishes and Nan bread. If you shop there, then buy the frozen Nan, it's delicious and far superior to the ones in the bread section. On the topic of food, we both read Julie and Julia which came to us via my best buddy ( no not the horse one, she's still working on her ABC's ) and we loved the book SO much that we ordered "Mastering the Art of French Cooking, volumes 1&2, today. That should make for some happy blogging... as I anticipate poached eggs in aspic for dinner on a Monday night. The sex bomb associates himself with gourmet chefs and in all honesty is a much much better cook than I would ever hope to be, but he does tend to get a bit carried away and every meal is like eating in a 5* resturant. As an erstwhile friend used to say "we eat high on the food chain" in this house. Which forces me , on occassion to whip up some packet Mac and cheese and stuff my face when he's at work. In fact he's a bit of a culinary snob.
Nothing wrong with that , I can be a tad haughty about other things, which for the moment I am reticent to divulge lest I too fall into the "snob " category. Moi ? hehehehe
Scooter boy and Daughter No2 came to the ranch today and both rode my horse buddy girlfriend...awesome.

Friday, June 6, 2008

HG gets it right

Shared a glass of wine with the HG this afternoon, both of us disgruntled, but in agreement on how to run a business , go HG you got it buddy... I adore our HG ...lets me be me and be mommy and be equal and all that stuff, all at the same time AND here's one for the books, we agreed today that in 6+ years we have never ever fallen out...eejits said we had... but no, we never did...kinda cool huh?

Training,Time and The Trophy

The sex bomb, for the first time in his life, just gave "the right answer" first time round. It went sort of like this...
me- "who the heck thought a black topped stove was a good idea?"
him- "hmmm?"
me- " well between cleaning every finger mark off the stainless AND every speck of feckin everything off of the black top, I'm already fed up with it"
him- "hmmm"
me- " I mean I love your cooking but it's a half hour stove cleanup afterwards"
him- "sorry"
Woohoo! it's only taken around 20+ years but I think he actually is beginning to get it. Huh and they say animals are hard to train, well all I can say is anyone who thinks that, never had a husband. Give me a rabid dog any day and it'll be rolling over and dying for the Queen ( oh you probably don't teach dogs to do that here...hehehe) before you can say "Jack Robinson".
Don't even ask who Jack Robinson is as I have no clue but it's a very popular saying back home. Now I've gone and piqued my own interest, I'll find out who the heck he is/was and get back to you.
Been a busy morning already, had calls from two of my dear girlfriends who I have neglected recently what with all the "commotion" on my planet. Meeting one of them today, and the other on Tuesday so can't wait to catch up with all of their news.
Enjoyed my chat with Daughter No2 this morning in the car, her wee socks were blown off when I started explaining the time differences between here and the UK. She was so cute. "but where does the time go to mommy?" Yep that would be my present mantra.
I'm working on this months winner of "The Trophy" and I've narrowed it down to two possible recipients.
1st Nominee, for, "Shyster of the Month" in which innocents are spellbound and manipulated.
Not the best performance, previous Shyster works were far more dramatic
but good "special effects" and a more comedic tone throughout the script.
2nd Nominee,for, "Eejit of the month" pretty much a Cameo from this outstanding eejit.
Past performances have included "Aren't I good" and "Aren't I good II"
Just as much Drama in this latest role and well worth keeping an eye out for.

Now I just need to make a decision. It's a close one. Wow this is tough. And the Trophy goes to...
But first these messages...

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Royal Connections

The sex bomb has just informed me that we can actually visit Buck Palace these days.
My how times have changed...so I need to call Good Queen Bess to arrange brunch with me, my "buddy" and the daughters.
The sex bomb, Mr Whimmaway and scooter boy can go hang with Philip who who let me remind you , Quote, said to a driving instructor in Scotland:- " How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" or how about this one, whilst visiting Australia's Aboriginal Cultural Park was overheard asking " Do you still throw spears at each other?" you've got to LOVE the non PC Royals in "England's Green and Promised Land" ( Jerusalem, William Blake, need to add to my worth a read post and to my worth a listen, C.Hubert Parry) Whilst I'm on "The Royals and music" let us not forget "I Bow to Thee My Country" , Gustav Holst, The Planets and poor poor Diana's funeral.
Interesting fact! for real!
Diana and I were born in the same year, got married in the same year,got pregnant the same year, gave birth the same year, both had sons.
As it would come to pass she would lose her life , I would loose my son. life?...fair?...expected?...resigned...yes...acceptance...yes. So it goes... all calm and content and enjoying some truly wonderful music right now.

Thrify Scot fleeing the Sassenachs

Jewels, of which I have none, wrinkles of which I have many, gray hairs , ditto.
Whole summer collection from the Goodwill and Vincent De Paul.
How on earth can I go to Scotland?
Looking and feeling like a "bag" lady right now.
No cash, so no way of fixing it by visiting Gucci and spending a day at the Salon/Face Repair Shop.
It's strange how I have "fallen" literally at times, into this Ranch world, where tying your hair back, slapping on a ball cap, some sunglasses and an old pair of jeans and boots is quite the acceptable attire.
Not going to work in the "auld" country I'm afraid.
A land where ball caps don't exist, too wet for sunglasses and it's all about designer fashion. More so than here because Karan, Klien, Lauren etc are all imported and so expensive it's frightening. Even a good old pair if Levis or Wranglers are going to set you back $100+ ...mental money.
I can just pop along to the good old Goodwill and pick up a pair for $4.00 I ask you why would you pay in excess of that to sit on a sweaty horse? LOL
I am so disorganised it's bringing on full fledged panic attacks. You know the kind where someone is talking to you.
Now if it were some idiot in a bar at the end of a long night saying these things you would laugh and walk away, BUT when the voice is in your own head and you know it's the voice of your whacko inner self, then you at least have to give her the courtesy of listening.
Wish she would just keep her damned thoughts to herself!
I've got to go ride the horses this morning and then get a Hotel booked in London. Did I mention that we are having a couple of days there before we come back? Just to let the kids see the City and to break up the journey a bit. Daughter No 2 desperately wants to take the guided tour on the "big red London bus" so hopefully there will be a glimmer of sunshine down there in the "bowels" of civilization. Pah, imagine two whole days listening to Sassenachs! I'll be running to get on the flight just to escape "our tormentors" not that I have anything against the English ...yeah right. Actually now that I come to think of it I think the "Sassenach Stopover" was suggested by the sex bomb, who KNEW if there was one way to assure my return trip to the U.S. it would be to have me fleeing England, like the good and loyal Scot I am.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

All the nice girls love a sailor, or two

Oh yea' of little faith, me.
I should have know that "The Sailor" would be loving and supportive, as always. Did throw in a few "I told ya" but put everything into perspective for us and his "Baloney Head" character assassinations were hilarious.
I feel validated,vindicated and very very blessed to be surrounded by genuinely good people, speaking of which, we were joined by two of our other dear friends so it was a night of the over 40's and I loved it.
Erstwhile Sailor and The Sailor got talking about their "days at sea" and let me tell you these "Old Tars" can spin a bluddy good yarn. It was like sitting watching a comedy routine, in fact maybe the two of them should take the show on the road when they retire!
Erstwhile Sailor had read this here "Blog Masterpiece" and brought me a Trophy which he thought I might like to award certain acquaintances. Since the list of potential nominees is pretty extensive and there is only one award I've decided to photograph it and have a monthly winner right here in my Blog! Please be assured, all my good friends out there that you will NOT be winners.
Had a great day at work, the Bi-Polar horses having settled back to normality, thank goodness.
My advanced students rode the "girls" and actually achieved beautiful trot/canter transitions as opposed to the usual trot/explode like a bat out of hell transitions, at which both horses excel.
The sun tan is coming along quite nicely, in fact got complemented on it today so Scotland here I come all brown and radiant , that's stretching it a bit LOL but the brown is true.
It was a bit of a bummer today because my Barn Buddy wanted me to go on a trail ride but I had lessons all day. No matter, my BB joined us in the arena and we had a lovely time, it's always a giggle when we get together, very refreshing.
I managed to abstain from Red Bulls and Rock Stars for about four months but recently the old addiction has reared it's ugly head again. My Barn owner, who is quite delightful, had been giving me a hard time about drinking "that crap" so she goes and buys me Green Vibrance, Fish Oil supplements and lunch (she knows I never eat when I'm working). I eat the lunch, yummy, start on the fish oil, hmmm and open one of the Green Vibrance sachets, now it states right there on the sachet, Directions: Mix one packet of Green Vibrance into a 4 to 8 ounces of water or your favourite juice (got a red line under the fav word but I'll be damned if I'm dropping my u's, old Lizzy, the queen that is, will have a Royal hissy fit)
I am a stickler when it comes to directions so I pour exactly 8oz's of Orange juice and add my Green Vibrance, yeugh yeugh yeugh, gagging I was. It was poison! Poison I tell you!
This morning she and my BB are chatting when I arrive at work and she asks me how I'm getting on with the supplements and the Green Vibrance. "are you trying to kill me?" says I and give her my honest opinion of the Green Poison. She and the BB start busting up. "What?, what?" I did it just like it says, " NOT apparently the way you are supposed to start ! Apparently you are supposed to introduce it gradually into your system a wee bit at a time and build up to a whole sachet, well somebody might have deigned to mention THAT. I'm holding my nose and gagging it down all the while asking myself " how the hell can this be bluddy good for you ?" It's killing me.
Having both of their assurances that if I do it right I will acquire a taste for it ( I am less than convinced) I'm going to try again tomorrow, starting with 1/4 of a teaspoon. A whole sachet is probably around 4 or 5 tsp. I'll keep you posted on my road to healthy living.