Saturday, April 26, 2008

Cultural faux pas?

Ok so I've been "flaffing" around for he past couple of years trying to get myself focused, mentally,physically and emotionally ....oops I've got red lines under the F word so instead of spell check I'll do a translation Flaffing= procrastinating , there that should do it.
This week has been quite the eye opener with my husband, children and horses.
I, me, ich, moi,mi,mim,mus, irrespective of how you say it I have to take responsibility for me.
Bottom line is confidence. I'm lacking. I would much rather defer to someone/anyone who will assume the burden and let me off the hook. Coward is what I am. I know what I know, never pretend to know it all but I need support ......constantly. Well it stops right here right now.
As I take note "in these Americas" I have spent too long in awe and amazement at the egos of certain people . How can you say that? How can you do that? Mind boggling to say the least and my confidence has wavered.
You see where I come from we are taught at our mothers knees to be humble. Huh there's a novel concept in both the USofA and most particularly in the 'horse business"
A very dear friend of mine know who you are......has brought me back to my roots and through her recent actions has consolidated that my upbringing was good and right ..oh the shame of ever doubting my good old Scottish "mum" and grannies.
She saw something in me that she felt was worthwhile and wanted me to teach her. I have to say I as blown away because I thought I had nothing to offer, as it turns out we have had the most wonderful adventure together with the horses. She was humble. There is no ego, no need, she knows I know what she knows, and I know what she wants to know, but there is a thirst for knowledge and it's a two way process. What do I know in my heart? If you think you know it all your a feckin eejit!!!
Every single day of my journey my husband, children, horses and friends teach me something but I have to be receptive otherwise I am stagnant. Complacency is the easy road and one which tempts me daily but I must take responsibility, pick up my own reins and tread my own path. If I loose some "friends" along the way then so be it.....were they ever friends in the first place?
I genuinely 'love' like family, those who I would term friends, maybe I'm still not culturally adequate, maybe it works differently here but I make no excuses for me. So to all of my friends....I love ya! warts and all. None of us are perfect but the challenge is worth the effort.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Horses and hobbits

I had a wonderful day today. Went to Wally Walmart this a.m to buy Fabric Softener and ended up spending $98.... GO WALLY! Then had Starbucks with that "sexy' hubby I discovered yesterday.
11a.m. and off to the horses. Spent time with Miss Whinnie teaching her to pick up her grain bucket and give it to me, wooohoo 5lbs of carrots later she got it. She is one smart horse and will do ANYTHING for food which makes training her pretty easy. Turned her out for a while as she had been mentally tested to the nth degree then went and got my "girlfriend" J.J. We worked for a while on her allowing me to touch her left ear. She has real issues about it, I reckon she was "twitched" on numerous occasions because she has no issues with her right ear and just loves having her face and eyes rubbed. Anyway she eventually dropped her head, closed her eyes and allowed me to gently rub her ear! First time ever in 2 years.
Home to pick up the kids then into the yard to plant and weed, it's actually looking ok this year so that's good.
Daughter No1 and I are having a " de-fuzzing" party tonight, she wants her eyebrows plucked, what the heck happened to changing diapers and bed-time stories? Time is but a blink of the eye. So, eyebrows for her and I'll just start with the hairy toes and work up. Yeugh hope no-one has just eaten dinner, horrible horrible visual on THAT one. I think I'm part Hobbit actually with the feet thing and all, maybe I should take up smoking a pipe? Could market a whole line of them as "accessories" color co-ordinated to match ladies outfits, The Holiday Pipe in green and red with perhaps some diamonds encrusted around the bowl, The Valentines Pipe in red and white with little hearts on the get the picture. Wow maybe I should patent this in case one of you decides to steal a potentially, million dollar business idea! I think I'm an entrepreneur!! .

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Sexy Wednesday

Middle of the week and my first chance to sit down and update.
Friday, good friends, great evening, sleep.
Saturday, work, good friends over, sleep.
Sunday, work, family evening, sleep.
Monday, kids,work,kids,sleep.
Tuesday, kids, housework, kids, catatonic evening,sleep of the dead.
Oh I did watch Idol last night but too tired to really enjoy it. Hells Kitchen and Mr Ramsay woke my up though!
You've got to love Gordon and what is it about average, sometimes even pretty ugly guys with power that makes them sexy? Now that's got me thinking.....
Gordon Ramsay, Tony Soprano, George C Scott ( in Mussolinni), Robert DeNiro, etc
Not an Orlando Bloom among them but somehow they are attractive. Or maybe I'm just finding old, fat, scarred,bald, big nosed ugly guys cool. Oh My, I've just realised I've given a perfect description of my husband. Back to the key board having just recovered from a "fit of the giggles" and a realisation that I think my hubby is sexy. Thats got to be a good way to start the day.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Innocence Lost

Spent time today with my VERY best friend JJ. Words cannot describe how wonderful she is. For the past couple of years she has been there for me when I'm happy and when I'm sad she never judges me and I know for a fact that she enjoys being with me. She accepts me for who I am and couldn't care less how I look EVER! She has taught me how to look at life in ways that I had forgotten. I'm sure that as a child I woke up each morning with excitement and curiosity wondering what the day would bring instead of, as now, worrying each night about things I need to do the next day. She helps me look at life in a way of most of us have forgotten exists with trust and acceptance. She forgives my mistakes, of which there are many, and never holds them against me. I pray each day that in some way I have enhanced her life as I know she has mine. Each day with her is a gift and I am blessed to have found a friend and a mentor to walk beside me as I travel through. JJ is an 18 year old Morgan mare, pretty much rescued from a Barn in Shingle Springs in 2006. thanks Kyle and Liz for helping me find my soul mate.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

In need of testosterone?

I have just realised why women ( damn red line under 4th word can stay there ) ahem as I was saying, why women are rare in high end politics , business and horses. We are for the most part fair, firm and friendly. We tend to avoid confrontation and have a problem being ruthless. We don't take what we can get and ask for or expect more and most of all we value friendship. My BBF is a horse so there! Apparently none of these qualities are an asset. Clearly there are some women, Margaret Thatcher springs to mind, who apparently were born with high Testosterone levels. So maybe I have it all wrong and instead of considering a boob job or face lift I should actually be looking into a series of Testosterone shots.
I'll worry about the baritone voice and hirsuteness at a later date. Not that I want to be a politician or CEO of some big business but it would be good to be able to have the skills to at least be on level sparring ground with the male species in other areas of life...........pauses for thought an re-reads........or perhaps not.
I really don't know if I care enough to take the time and make the effort. I'm actually quite content with my precocious children, wannabe dog, mentally challenged horses and the guy I married. Add to that the good friends I've made since we crossed "The Pond" and life looks pretty good from where I'm sitting. At the kitchen table actually wondering when the hell I last cleaned the windows. OK my CBD is kicking in I need Windex NOW.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

cracking ice

For those of you who don't know I managed to crack some ribs whilst Ice-Skating in Tahoe. Last time I tried it I broke my wrist, so why on earth do I continue to punish my old body? At this age I should have a much better awareness of my physical would think! Apparently NOT in my case. You see the problem is, that in many ways ( too many perhaps) my "brain" thinks it's in it's twenties but has yet to convince my body.
It's like when you leap (not literally) out of bed in the morning feeling good and go to wash your face....all bloody downhill from that point on for me! Who is the old "bat" looking back at you with an expression that would sour milk? AND you cannot blame the one in the mirror for the look on it's face, the one looking from the outside has absolutely every right to have a horrified, contorted, "oh good grief is that me" deal going on.
Therein lies the question " am I comfortable in my skin?" No not at all, but hey the way I see it is my skin probably ain't too feckin happy having ME inside it either, so we compromise most of the time until I get near an Ice-Rink.
One of my friends has suggested that I stay on the outside of the rink and man the Video Recorder which on the surface seems a great idea but I think it's going to take time, you see the lure of the Ice is just too much. It's like an addiction, hmmmm perhaps I need professional help?
I will ponder on it, I've got almost a year to address the problem. Any and all suggestions or solutions are most welcome.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Time to turn the bird

"Oh what a beautiful morning" Don't you just love Oklahoma? I refer of course to the musical, never been to the actual state although I'm sure it's lovable too as most places are in their own way.
Speaking of places I must get a suntan before July this year. Can't worry about the added wrinkles it will cause, nope, not even going there. We are going home (Scotland) for a vacation, not been back for eight years, and if I arrive in Fife looking " peely wally" that's Scots for pale and wan, then everyone will think we've been holed up in AGHHH dare I say it? Hmmm maybe I'll whisper it...england ssssshhhhhh for the last, almost, decade. Now there's a thought that will give you nightmares for eternity! hehehehe. I digress, I must arrive looking tanned and "glowing" that's maybe stretching things a tad, don't think I've ever "glowed". Shimmered somewhat on occasion but that's about it.
I've just realised that since I became a "blogger" my mornings are becoming quite the busy time.
Blogging, dealing with spam and now sunbathing to add to my day.
Oh and just a note :- these "American" spell checks need to be audited by none other than Her Majesty Queen Lizzy, of you know where, herself! No way she would put up with swapping s for z and missing out u entirely!
I have to sit with the "Oxford" even although I know for sure that my third grade teacher was not an "eejit"....( lordy don't you just love that word!) and that my spelling IS correct, the good old Oxford gives me certainty in my constant struggle with red lines appearing under every second word I type.
So it's into the shorts and out to the sun. A good book, (I'm reading Sara Douglass at the moment interspersed with Faulkner I have always liked at least two, usually more books going at the same time so that I can read "mood dependent") a bottle of water and I should be fried in a couple of hours. In fact I'll set the timer on the stove so that I can rotisserie like the dedicated sunbather/chicken I am.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

cyber eejits

Wednesday was a not happening day....enough said, so here we are on Thursday.
Apparently I am being " backscattered", hmmmmmmmm said the crowd, wtf said little old me?
All I know is I sit at my computer every day waiting for e-mail to download usually takes a couple of minutes and all of a sudden insteadof the usual 2 or 3, I have 1000+ people who want to talk to me...NOT.........and the B%$&$rds take up to 20mins to let me know it's spam!!!!
Ho Hum Dee Dum guess I had nothing better to do with my mornings anyway huh??
I am assured by my " nearest and dearest" that it will cease in a few weeks, well now then, guess who has something else to add to her morning list?
Which confirms my belief that just when you think your life sucks, even in cyber there's an "eejit" lurking just waiting to piss you off.................LOL

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Mornings and demotivated are becoming quite the norm around here. Kids off to school, husband off to work, dog doing his own thing (watching animal planet). Yep dog is a T.V. junkie! His name is "Banjo" newfie/chow mix and 70lb of couch no fun "come play with mommy and the ball" happening there. I have choices, I know that,but well, lets look at them shall we? Oh come on! Brace yourself for the excitement of my " what to do this morning" list.
1. Make beds
2. Do laundry
3. Clean bathrooms
4. Dust and Polish
5. etc etc etc
So what to do with my time? Think I'll just start at Number 1 and who knows what might happen from there...............ah the joys, wish me luck!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Travelin Through

5,4,3,2,1..................we have a blog...........pppppppppppfffftt.....blah blah bloody blah.
BUT I too have decided to bare my soul ( well a wee bit of it) to cyber, to unknown people who don't give a
shit .
The fact that they don't makes life quite refreshing.
Let's face it, life surrounds us with "eejits" ( as my best friend Ailish from Ireland would refer to them)
Translation for y'all eejit=idiot
BUT it goes much deeper than that because the "eejits" come in all different guises, they pose most predominantly as friends! Yes they do! Some of them are pretty new to the game and you can read them easily, the more refined eejits not so. Even when you have been around as long as I have you can still get sucked in to the eejit deception.
It manifests itself over weeks, months sometimes even years........I speak now from experience (not proud of that but life happens)
The experienced "eejit" has various tactics to confuse and convince, however when they are exposed they revert totally to "eejit " status, this includes :- childlike behaviors, sulking, temper tantrums, schoolyard politics etc
They are actually quite pathetic in the final throws of the end game. That said they can and do wreck pain and heartache as they strive to achieve their egotistical aims.
Whew that was an "eejit" tirade. Feeling much better having exposed the nasty predators!
So now that my "wee bit soul" is at peace for the moment, thank you Ms Parton for the inspiration, Travelin Through....if that is not what this life I lead is, then I have no clue why I am here.