Saturday, April 26, 2008

Cultural faux pas?

Ok so I've been "flaffing" around for he past couple of years trying to get myself focused, mentally,physically and emotionally ....oops I've got red lines under the F word so instead of spell check I'll do a translation Flaffing= procrastinating , there that should do it.
This week has been quite the eye opener with my husband, children and horses.
I, me, ich, moi,mi,mim,mus, irrespective of how you say it I have to take responsibility for me.
Bottom line is confidence. I'm lacking. I would much rather defer to someone/anyone who will assume the burden and let me off the hook. Coward is what I am. I know what I know, never pretend to know it all but I need support ......constantly. Well it stops right here right now.
As I take note "in these Americas" I have spent too long in awe and amazement at the egos of certain people . How can you say that? How can you do that? Mind boggling to say the least and my confidence has wavered.
You see where I come from we are taught at our mothers knees to be humble. Huh there's a novel concept in both the USofA and most particularly in the 'horse business"
A very dear friend of mine know who you are......has brought me back to my roots and through her recent actions has consolidated that my upbringing was good and right ..oh the shame of ever doubting my good old Scottish "mum" and grannies.
She saw something in me that she felt was worthwhile and wanted me to teach her. I have to say I as blown away because I thought I had nothing to offer, as it turns out we have had the most wonderful adventure together with the horses. She was humble. There is no ego, no need, she knows I know what she knows, and I know what she wants to know, but there is a thirst for knowledge and it's a two way process. What do I know in my heart? If you think you know it all your a feckin eejit!!!
Every single day of my journey my husband, children, horses and friends teach me something but I have to be receptive otherwise I am stagnant. Complacency is the easy road and one which tempts me daily but I must take responsibility, pick up my own reins and tread my own path. If I loose some "friends" along the way then so be it.....were they ever friends in the first place?
I genuinely 'love' like family, those who I would term friends, maybe I'm still not culturally adequate, maybe it works differently here but I make no excuses for me. So to all of my friends....I love ya! warts and all. None of us are perfect but the challenge is worth the effort.

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