Food and Faking It

Where has the week gone?
I remember my Granny always saying "time goes faster as you get older" and me thinking "what a daft old eejit" time is what it is. Well she was right, as usual!
Smart lady my Granny. I miss her.
Hooray for "The Bogies". Flights booked. Scotland here we come! Max hit the send button so I reckon he's probably the first 12 year old "Autie" to legitimately spend in excess of $7,500. Go Maxie!
Not been home for 8 years so everyone is really excited. My mum has reverted back to a "raving lunatic" asking for grocery lists and threatening to decorate her whole house for us. Can't wait to see her though. It's been far too long.
Last night was our "Cultural Cooking" night. Every Wednesday the girls and I choose a country and prepare a meal. Last night was the good old USA deep south so it was corn bread and ribs!
The girls refuse to touch France as they are terrified we will make them try Escargot.
Greece was a good one with garlic chicken and greek potatoes, taramasalata and greek salad.
Enough about food.
Can't eat until I land on Scottish soil. Arriving peely-wally AND fat would be an absolute travesty. Which leads me to "what to do with the sex bomb?"
They don't come much whiter or rounder than my other half.....well probably more like my other 3/4 if girth size comes into it.
I suppose I could just stop feeding him? But how to get that healthy tanned effect?
He just burns, spends a couple of days writhing in agony, covered in after sun, looking like a greased red beach ball then miraculously turns pure white again. It really is one of natures miracles and has to be witnessed to be believed.
I know! I can slap fake tan on him when he's sleeping! No way he'd let me do it otherwise.
OK off to Wallys to buy some. I'll get L'Oreal because he's worth it.