Friday, May 30, 2008

Of love and relaxation with a tad of PA

Get this. My mum now informs me that she has also bought postcards, stamps and air mail stickers so that we don't have to bother shopping for them when we get home. What a woman.
Wow did I just type "home". Just goes to show that after nine years there is still a "Dorothy" lurking in there.
It's been a long, long time since anyone took care of me at this level and I don't know how I feel about it. Delighted of course, warm and fuzzy, absolutely, grateful, totally but there's something else I can't quite define. A feeling that I have missed out, loneliness and regrets all vying for first place in my head. I'm pretty sure that had the opportunity arisen at this age/stage of my life I would not have crossed the "pond" but stayed surrounded by those who love me. Sheesh I'm having "the palpitations" now......what if I don't want to come back??
Did I hears a few hurrahs and a party being organized? LOL
Now I'm being silly, I have to come back. Boooo, said the party organizers!
I have a home,horses,a dog for goodness sake! Still I think the sex bomb is going to be dragging me kicking and screaming to the airport for the return journey.
Oh My Gosh I almost forgot that I was accused of being Passive Aggressive by a complete stranger yesterday! Can you believe it ? ME? I "CRY" for gods sake, constantly!
Only and I mean only in " these united states" would anyone make such an accusation based on what was supposed to be a literary comprehension discussion. Oh well guess it's best not to try and have an intellectual debate on line, lest I become misinterpreted again and end up getting carted of to some nut house!...

Worked three of the horses yesterday and then managed to get some sun. Taco Bell for dinner and then early to bed. A quiet but busy day. Not much on the agenda today, beds are made laundry is washing away so I think I'll go and ride some horses, I need the "therapy".
My old girl was in a funky mood yesterday, bucking and carrying on when I had her on line. She gets like that if I miss a couple of days. It's all about her after all and how dare I neglect her for days and then expect her to be my "best friend" Got after her a couple of times and all was well in her wee horsey head. I've become very aware recently of how my mental and emotional state reflects on my performance and that of my horses. I am spending the journey to the Ranch relaxing and listening to relaxing music to enable myself to wind down before I arrive. I am always very calm and patient with my guys BUT you can't kid them and if I am upset or annoyed internally you can be darned sure they can sense it I'm getting down with my bad self and fixing it. I have no right to expect anything of them if I can't meet them on an equal emotional plane.
On the subject of relaxing, my buddy and I were chatting (before I lost her to Mr Whimmaway) and I was telling her that I have not been able to go to bed , turn off the light and go to sleep since I was around 10 years old. So before she leaves she gives me a burner with aromatherapy oils, a sound machine, ( I do like the sea one) with rain forests , waterfalls etc etc and a little book light. "There you go sweetie" says she "that should fix your sleep problem"
Oh Lord! almost caused a divorce! LOL
................first I put WAY too much oil in the burner, I was pretty sure she said 10 drops of each but it didn't look like much so I just kept chugging it in.
The room was infused to put it mildly.
The sex bomb was choking and I was coughing quite a bit, well quite a lot actually but I was determined to stick with the program!
I clip on my light to my book, turn on the sound machine to "rain" turn off the light and snuggle down all ready to drift away ........
Took me a while to adjust the light much to the annoyance of my "gasping for air" husband, then the "rain" kicked in......up to pee, me......back to bed for more light adjustments, husband now with face buried in the pillow, shoot, pee again , me.....rain not working with my bladder at all!
back to bed , oh no, pee , him, comes back to bed choking and glowering.
Change sound to heart beat, adjust light again...........muffled noises coming from sex bombs pillow...........heart beat kinda freaking me out, not going to fall asleep in the midst of horror flick sound track so change to ocean.
Little bit more light adjustment and then the darned light falls off the book. Scrabbling around now over the edge of the bed, coughing, trying to grab my light which is just out of reach.
Now I don't know if you've ever heard an asphyxiating man roar but I can assure you it's not a pleasant sound.
So whilst I thank my buddy from the bottom of my heart for her sleep program I'm afraid it's not for "us" way too stressful! Didn't get to sleep that night till around 2 a.m. and went to bed at 10!! All the commotion had me a nervous wreck...LOL

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