Thursday, June 16, 2011

Sick as a Dog by Aerosmith

Sorry I've been AWOL for a wee while, it's been a tough couple of weeks.
For those of you who don't know my Mom died suddenly on June 8th last year which meant a trip back to Scotland for me. I was there for 10 days and it was surreal.
I may or may not fill you all in on the pantomime antics of my immediate family...suffice to say they turned it into a CIRCUS and I refused to be the Clown.
Moving onwards and upwards.
WTF is with the Medical profession in this country?
I never go to the Doctor unless I'm sick.
That's the way it is back in the Auld Country.
A few weeks ago I decided to make an appointment.
I had a lump! On the inside of my left wrist.
Bless wee Googles heart, it said I had a Ganglion Cyst.
Nothing to worry about but not very attractive.
The Doctor confirms Googles diagnosis and informs me that a wee shot of local anesthetic followed by a huge ass syringe into the offending lump, to drain it, will solve the Camel Hump on the wrist.
I manned up and it was done.
Doctor - Is there anything else Mrs B
Me - Well I have a funky toe
He looks at it and tells me I have two options, have the toenail removed or take Lamasil.
I LIKE my toenails! Even the funky one!
No frigggin way he was pullin out one of those puppies!
Ok we're on the same page but now I have to go and have blood test on my Liver function.
Is the man daft? It's frazzled! lol
Lamasil apparently can cause Liver failure closely followed by death ( OBVI!).
Cute toenail or death ?
No contest, Lamisil for me!
So now we've dealt with the Hump and the Funk and I'm happy as a Sandboy.
All good so far huh? Apart from the imposing death of course, which SB will have to deal with, because I'm outta here, cute Toenail INTACT.
Up until this point the Dr has been charming.
BUT now he has me in his clutches and feeling grateful for draining my Hump and informing me of my impending death with a pretty toe.
Dr - Mrs B you do realize that you are due a...
Suffice to say I now have the Hospital receptionist on my Christmas card list.
More to follow...


Mike said...

Sorry about your Mom. Can't wait to hear about the family antics.

Lump on wrist? No no. Bible bump. You could have saved a trip to the Dr. You put your wrist on the table. SB takes the Bible, and WHAM! All fixed.

Bilbo said...

I vote for the cute toenail. This is the month for awful doctor stories ... you are not alone in your love for the medical profession. Good luck.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I'm sorry for your loss of your mom.

I so enjoy your writing. I can hear the lilt in your voice.

So Dr.Google was right huh? Oh I know how the medical profession hates that.

lacochran's evil twin said...

There is a conflict of interest in medicine. If he cures you, you no longer need him and no longer pay him. Unless he can come up with yet another thing...

Erm, I may be a wee bit jaded.

PS I am sorry for your loss.