Monday, April 12, 2010

Memories by Barbra Sriesand

Memory is a fickle companion.
Recently the most random recollections have popped to the forefront of the old gray matter.
Things I'd forgotten
I don't like it.
Memory stalker!
Today for example, I was talking to the kids about being sent out out play (all day) when I was only three years old. It was the norm way back then, loads of wee bairns running around the streets.
Woooosh up pops a memory , so vivid I think it must have had a full color done at the brain salon.
I'm three, maybe four but I don't think so...
I was to give a horse shoe to a neighbor who was getting married that day.
A uniquely Scottish custom?
Wee bairns give rather pretty silver plastic horseshoes to new brides as they exit the Church, for luck. It's quite the honour.
Mum was out and Dad sent me out to play at the swing park across the road.
Crossing roads wasn't really a problem, I think there were only about 5 cars total in a five mile radius.
At the park I remember there was an older girl. I asked her if she would lift me up into the "baby" swing. They were made of wood back in the day with a metal crossbar to hold you in.
She picked me up, plopped my ass in and feckin LEFT!
God only knows how long I hung there!
I was trapped!
The swing was designed to KEEP ME IN.
Not a bugger in sight to help me.
I needed to poop.
And I did.
I was definitely potty trained and you can hold a poop in for quite some time which leads me to believe I was hanging there for a few hours.
So now I'm trapped in POOP!
My Dad eventually decided to come looking for me.
My Knight in shining armor, NOT!
He was furious with wee Miss Poopy pants.
Again I don't know if this behavior is only Scottish but ALL parents (in the home and in public) not only spanked their kids but turned it into an art form with rhythmic yelling.
WHAT - spank - THE - spank - HELL - spank - DID - spank - YOU - spank - DO - spank -THAT - spank - FOR- spank ( rep chorus all the way home)
It was with a sparkly clean ass and red throbbing legs I handed the Bride her horseshoe to wish her luck...should have kept the fecker for myself, I was the more needy.


Amanda said...

LOL!!! I feel sorry for the 3 yr old you but that was too funny!

John said...

Too funny. Good to have you posting again.

lacochran said...

Jeez! I would think the one thing someone wouldn't want to do to a poopy child is spank them. I hope it got all over Dad's hand.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Awesome memory. Trapped in a swing! Horror movie of the year.

Mike said...

Luckily my memory doesn't even work that good. I hope nothing like that pops back into my head. .... What was this post about anyway?

Bilbo said...

Only you, Fiona, could come up with a story like that. Just tell us whether the spanking continues now that you have all those nice new Victoria's Secret undies you wrote about before, hmmm....?

fiona said...

A - aye...*sighs* ;0)
J - Good to be back TY dear!
LA - He was a wiley fecker, got ma legs, no poop on him! hehehe
M - Same as all my other posts - a load of crap! ;0)
B - Insatiable *shakes head* Love u 2 Bilbo.

Opto-Mom said...

Awwww! I agree with Abbot, except for a true horror movie, you would need rabid bunnies or something stalking you while you were in the swing.

I've always heard to spank for intentional bad behavior, and not for accidents. You couldn't help it, you sweet little thing!!!

Love your blog! Come check me out over at Opto-Mom and we can share some laughs!