Look at me...
Look at me damn it!
Screaming hoards recoil!
There now, that got you all shook up.
Ugly as ever, but in the mood...to post
I have had the most wonderful week and it's all thanks to "Facebook"...yeah whatever, you cynics
I have found my bff from school!
We lost touch 30 years ago.
Over the decades I have tried to find him via the 'net" but with no success.
I slap my ugly mush on face book and guess who's there?
It's so surreal, it's not even surreal...it's mental
AND it just keeps getting better
I'm back in touch with one of the best and nicest gals I ever had the honor to know and be in a BAND with!
Yes dear reader, I was once a member of an "all girl" band...whole weeks worth of posts right there!
We made the local newspaper headlines I'll have you know!
AND I'm "friends" with "the love of my teen life" which those who know me, think is the funniest thing EVER!
Laugh on I say ( thank the Lord "HE" has no clue) laugh on...
I heart facebook.
Facebook has made me happy.
Facebook has reconnected me with people I love, but had lost.
Facebook has that photo of me with my horse. It's not a closeup.
Facebook...be grateful for that small thing!
Oh, oh and Facebook allows me to send "Gifts fae Scotland" which i have to say, stressed our dear BILBO out...hilarious
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow - The Ramones
I'm going to interrupt my wee narrative with a newsflash.
Scoot has always had short hair...he's a he, so it works.
When he was younger, from around 4 - 8, I had to cut it, with scissors, while he was sleeping.
This was no mean feat.
(lol @ mean feet...forget it, I'm a tad giddy today)
The early days had some rather disturbing results as he would often wake up screaming!
Poor wee guy, who wouldn't start screaming if they woke up with "Mommy Dearest" brandishing scissors around their head...cue creepy music
He HATED haircuts more than soda (still hates soda to this day)
On many occasions he would have to go to school with half a haircut.
Turning him over was the problem! That's when he would wake up.
As time passed and SB had hair loss issues, SB began buzzing what was left of his erstwhile flowing locks.
No4~No3~No2~by 2000 it was guard off, down to the scalp.
Scoot became quite fascinated with the clippers, hanging out, watching his fathers gradual progression into the ranks of "Bald Ba%$&rds"
Soon enough he was requesting- "Scoots hair cut please"
Hooray!
No more midnight haircuts using a flashlight!
Turning the light on also woke him up...
So, for the last few years Scoot has proudly sported a rather natty No4
As all you young(er) readers are aware, fashion has gone full cycle and guys are growing their hair again.
Side bangs are Unisex and cool if you are...
Scoot decided he wanted to grow his hair. He's becoming quite the teen let me tell you!
It's taken about 10 months to get it just right.
He's been in front of the mirror every morning with his hair "products" looking good.
Last night.
Around 9p.m.
Scoot - May I have a haircut mommy? ( he talks like that...cute huh?)
Me - Oh Scoot it's late, I'll trim it tomorrow ok?
Scoot - Yes, haircut tomorrow.
Me - goodnight darlin
Scoot - Goodnight
Meanwhile, The Child Iseult is just out of the shower...
TCI - Mom can I borrow you hairdryer mines not working. (yelling from upstairs)
Me - Yes ( Yelling from the Sofa)
Friggin madhouse as usual.
SB and I are snuggled on the sofa watching TV. Faint whirrr of hairdryer from above.
Half an hour later
SB - How long does it take her to dry her hair, I can still hear that bluddy hairdryer.
Me - Oh she'll be done soon
SB - That bluddy noise is beginning to really "annoy" me
Me ~thought bubble~(Maybe if you had hair it would dull the noise you bald ba$%&ard!)
Me ~said~ Look she's bound to be done soon just ignore it.
Sure enough the noise abruptly stopped.
I looked and smiled at SB...told ya!
Oh, mea culpa, mea culpa
Voice from behind the sofa
Scoot - Scoots hair is all cut
WHAT?
OMFG
It was NOT the hairdryer.
It was SBs hair clippers.
There was no guard on them.
Scoot is BALD. Right down to the scalp. Not one solitary hair on his head.
Laugh/cry both.
THE NEW SCOOT LOOK
This morning he wanted his hair back!
Sorry buddy.
Scoot - Scoots head is freezing. My hair is all gone.
Me- Do you want a hat?
Scoot - yes
He's off to school wearing a hat. This may prove necessary for some time.
It'll grow back, it will, it will...
Scoot has always had short hair...he's a he, so it works.
When he was younger, from around 4 - 8, I had to cut it, with scissors, while he was sleeping.
This was no mean feat.
(lol @ mean feet...forget it, I'm a tad giddy today)
The early days had some rather disturbing results as he would often wake up screaming!
Poor wee guy, who wouldn't start screaming if they woke up with "Mommy Dearest" brandishing scissors around their head...cue creepy music
He HATED haircuts more than soda (still hates soda to this day)
On many occasions he would have to go to school with half a haircut.
Turning him over was the problem! That's when he would wake up.
As time passed and SB had hair loss issues, SB began buzzing what was left of his erstwhile flowing locks.
No4~No3~No2~by 2000 it was guard off, down to the scalp.
Scoot became quite fascinated with the clippers, hanging out, watching his fathers gradual progression into the ranks of "Bald Ba%$&rds"
Soon enough he was requesting- "Scoots hair cut please"
Hooray!
No more midnight haircuts using a flashlight!
Turning the light on also woke him up...
So, for the last few years Scoot has proudly sported a rather natty No4
As all you young(er) readers are aware, fashion has gone full cycle and guys are growing their hair again.
Side bangs are Unisex and cool if you are...
Scoot decided he wanted to grow his hair. He's becoming quite the teen let me tell you!
It's taken about 10 months to get it just right.
He's been in front of the mirror every morning with his hair "products" looking good.
Last night.
Around 9p.m.
Scoot - May I have a haircut mommy? ( he talks like that...cute huh?)
Me - Oh Scoot it's late, I'll trim it tomorrow ok?
Scoot - Yes, haircut tomorrow.
Me - goodnight darlin
Scoot - Goodnight
Meanwhile, The Child Iseult is just out of the shower...
TCI - Mom can I borrow you hairdryer mines not working. (yelling from upstairs)
Me - Yes ( Yelling from the Sofa)
Friggin madhouse as usual.
SB and I are snuggled on the sofa watching TV. Faint whirrr of hairdryer from above.
Half an hour later
SB - How long does it take her to dry her hair, I can still hear that bluddy hairdryer.
Me - Oh she'll be done soon
SB - That bluddy noise is beginning to really "annoy" me
Me ~thought bubble~(Maybe if you had hair it would dull the noise you bald ba$%&ard!)
Me ~said~ Look she's bound to be done soon just ignore it.
Sure enough the noise abruptly stopped.
I looked and smiled at SB...told ya!
Oh, mea culpa, mea culpa
Voice from behind the sofa
Scoot - Scoots hair is all cut
WHAT?
OMFG
It was NOT the hairdryer.
It was SBs hair clippers.
There was no guard on them.
Scoot is BALD. Right down to the scalp. Not one solitary hair on his head.
Laugh/cry both.
THE NEW SCOOT LOOK
This morning he wanted his hair back!
Sorry buddy.
Scoot - Scoots head is freezing. My hair is all gone.
Me- Do you want a hat?
Scoot - yes
He's off to school wearing a hat. This may prove necessary for some time.
It'll grow back, it will, it will...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Siren Song - The Ghost Inside
The Wedding Night
SB called 999 (911 equivalent) who arrived promptly, hooked SBs mom up to a gazillion monitors, hefted her onto a gurney and headed out the door of the restaurant to the awaiting ambulance.
I look round to find SB and the maitre'd at loggerheads.
WTF?
The Manager was insisting that SB settle the bill before he left...ehm
"Your chariot awaits Mr Groom"
Not only that, he wanted us to also pay for wine we had ordered but not received and deserts, ditto!
What ya gonna do?
SB paid up.
We all loaded up into the "transport", the doors were slammed shut and we were off...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
No Limousine for me dear reader, hell no, give me an Edinburgh Ambulance, sirens blaring, any day.
A Limo can't quite shake your bridal bouquet the way a high speed ambulance can...believe me
We arrived at The Royal Infirmary where SBs mom was rushed away to ICU.
SB, me and my mom sat down in a "WTF just happened" kinda way.
A few hours later, the doctor informed us that she was going to be okay but would have to stay in hospital for a couple of days.
SIGHS of relief all round.
The problem was that it was around 2a.m. we were on the other side of town from our hotel AND we still had my Mom in tow!
Nurse - We do have family rooms if you would like to just spend the night here
My Mom - Oh that's a great idea!
SB/Me - speechless
We were lead ( my mom up front chatting away to the nurse, SB and I still speechless) to a room located at the top of the building.
Of course the lift ( elevator ) was out of order...My mom wasn't quite so talkative as we neared our goal. Panting and hanging onto the rail of the stairs...just as well we were in a Hospital!
One down one to go?
Sheesh...
Right there! Second on the left! Can you see me waving my bouquet at y'all?
The room had a bed and a sofa.
My Mom - Oh, why don't you two take the bed, it's your Wedding Night after all. (REALLY?)
Me - Will you be ok on the sofa? ( I am not a happy Bride)
My Mom - Oh don't worry about me, I'll probably not sleep anyway. Is that a T.V.? I wonder if there's anything worth watching at this time of night?
SB - I'm going to go back down and check on my Mom...
Off he goes and there I am, left with my MOM, on my wedding night.
My Mom - (all giggly) Well this'll be a funny one to tell people about.
Yes Mom, hilarious!
SB called 999 (911 equivalent) who arrived promptly, hooked SBs mom up to a gazillion monitors, hefted her onto a gurney and headed out the door of the restaurant to the awaiting ambulance.
I look round to find SB and the maitre'd at loggerheads.
WTF?
The Manager was insisting that SB settle the bill before he left...ehm
"Your chariot awaits Mr Groom"
Not only that, he wanted us to also pay for wine we had ordered but not received and deserts, ditto!
What ya gonna do?
SB paid up.
We all loaded up into the "transport", the doors were slammed shut and we were off...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
No Limousine for me dear reader, hell no, give me an Edinburgh Ambulance, sirens blaring, any day.
A Limo can't quite shake your bridal bouquet the way a high speed ambulance can...believe me
We arrived at The Royal Infirmary where SBs mom was rushed away to ICU.
SB, me and my mom sat down in a "WTF just happened" kinda way.
A few hours later, the doctor informed us that she was going to be okay but would have to stay in hospital for a couple of days.
SIGHS of relief all round.
The problem was that it was around 2a.m. we were on the other side of town from our hotel AND we still had my Mom in tow!
Nurse - We do have family rooms if you would like to just spend the night here
My Mom - Oh that's a great idea!
SB/Me - speechless
We were lead ( my mom up front chatting away to the nurse, SB and I still speechless) to a room located at the top of the building.
Of course the lift ( elevator ) was out of order...My mom wasn't quite so talkative as we neared our goal. Panting and hanging onto the rail of the stairs...just as well we were in a Hospital!
One down one to go?
Sheesh...
Right there! Second on the left! Can you see me waving my bouquet at y'all?
The room had a bed and a sofa.
My Mom - Oh, why don't you two take the bed, it's your Wedding Night after all. (REALLY?)
Me - Will you be ok on the sofa? ( I am not a happy Bride)
My Mom - Oh don't worry about me, I'll probably not sleep anyway. Is that a T.V.? I wonder if there's anything worth watching at this time of night?
SB - I'm going to go back down and check on my Mom...
Off he goes and there I am, left with my MOM, on my wedding night.
My Mom - (all giggly) Well this'll be a funny one to tell people about.
Yes Mom, hilarious!
Monday, February 23, 2009
19th Nervous Breakdown by The Rolling Stones
The Wedding.
Well my dears, as I'm sure you can only begin to imagine, it was all downhill...
We had decided just to go to the city and have a civil ceremony.
I had already done the "Bride" thing in a previous life and was quite content with that decision.
I had suggested we just grab two unsuspecting eejits off the street to stand as witnesses and SB concurred.
We didn't tell anyone of our plans.
As the "Day" came closer I started to feel bad for SB's mom.
He is, after all, her first born, only son. Wanted for NOTHING!
Against my better judgement ( hindsight is a wonderful thing) I asked him to tell his mom and ask her if she would be a witness.
I did the same with mine.
The Wedding Day dawned, warm and sunny.
We four, headed off to Edinburgh on the train.
SB and I had booked a Hotel for 3 nights,then we were off on honeymoon ( yeah sexy time)
Taking the moms to the City was akin to a Special Ed outing gone BAD.
As they Oohed and Ahh'd like Japanese tourists, we managed to manoeuvre them to the Registrars Building.
Ceremony went well, I cried.
Still feckin crying! LOL
We then took the Moms out to the Dubh Prais restaurant located on the Royal Mile.
Quite posh nosh.
We order and are served our starters. Tres bon!
We ordered our entrees and as we were waiting SBs mom said she had indigestion and was going to make a head call.
The food arrived and we began to chomp down.
Did I mention we were on champagne bottle No 7? AND the mums don't drink!
Five minutes into some delicious grub we noticed SBs mum had still not returned.
Being the kind soul I am...not, I went to the Ladies to check on her.
OMFG!
There she was, propped up against the wall, on her bum, false teeth on her chest, unconscious.
I friggin kid you not!
HEART ATTACK TIME.
For feck sake, I know I'm no oil painting BUT it was a tad extreme...No?
The Wedding Night, to be continued...
Well my dears, as I'm sure you can only begin to imagine, it was all downhill...
We had decided just to go to the city and have a civil ceremony.
I had already done the "Bride" thing in a previous life and was quite content with that decision.
I had suggested we just grab two unsuspecting eejits off the street to stand as witnesses and SB concurred.
We didn't tell anyone of our plans.
As the "Day" came closer I started to feel bad for SB's mom.
He is, after all, her first born, only son. Wanted for NOTHING!
Against my better judgement ( hindsight is a wonderful thing) I asked him to tell his mom and ask her if she would be a witness.
I did the same with mine.
The Wedding Day dawned, warm and sunny.
We four, headed off to Edinburgh on the train.
SB and I had booked a Hotel for 3 nights,then we were off on honeymoon ( yeah sexy time)
Taking the moms to the City was akin to a Special Ed outing gone BAD.
As they Oohed and Ahh'd like Japanese tourists, we managed to manoeuvre them to the Registrars Building.
Ceremony went well, I cried.
Still feckin crying! LOL
We then took the Moms out to the Dubh Prais restaurant located on the Royal Mile.
Quite posh nosh.
We order and are served our starters. Tres bon!
We ordered our entrees and as we were waiting SBs mom said she had indigestion and was going to make a head call.
The food arrived and we began to chomp down.
Did I mention we were on champagne bottle No 7? AND the mums don't drink!
Five minutes into some delicious grub we noticed SBs mum had still not returned.
Being the kind soul I am...not, I went to the Ladies to check on her.
OMFG!
There she was, propped up against the wall, on her bum, false teeth on her chest, unconscious.
I friggin kid you not!
HEART ATTACK TIME.
For feck sake, I know I'm no oil painting BUT it was a tad extreme...No?
The Wedding Night, to be continued...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Haze of Love - Cake
I messed up.
Yesterdays post should have been "The Proposal"
Oh well, even genius has it's moments.
Chapter 2 " The Engagement" ( there, that's right)
June 1989 SB and I took off to Crete for a vacation and to buy "the ring".
To this day, I have no idea why we wanted to buy an engagement ring in Greece?
1989 Air Traffic Control were having "an episode" and our flight was delayed.
ATC forced us into the nearest Pub where we had no choice but to imbibe for several hours.
Neither of us have any recollection of
a. Leaving the bar.
b. Boarding the plane
c. The flight
d. The arrival
e. Being put on a bus
f. Arriving at the Hotel
Aye those were the days!
The following week is rather hazy, Ouzo will do that to you, be warned.
We did gaze, peer, through reddish, bloodshot eyes into Jewelers shop windows as we staggered between bars.
On the last night of our vacation -
Me - So are we going to do it or not?
SB - AGAIN? ( high pitched panic detected)
Me - Buy a ring ya Eejit!
SB - Oh that ( relief evident)
Me - Well?
SB - I suppose we had better.
There were LOTS of bars on route to the shopping area of town.
We of course found it necessary to visit each one as we headed out on our ring buying mission.
To the best of my recollection we stopped at the first Jewelers and kinda propped ourselves up on the window.
SB - See anything?
Me - Nope (literally a haze)
SB - What about that one? ( swaying index finger)
I have no memory of buying the ring.
Next recall is in a bar...surprise!
SB, once more fighting his wee way through the crowds, drinks in hands, arms upraised ( am I detecting a pattern here?)
Having safely settled the drinks on the table, he hands me the box with the ring in it.
Me - WTF is THAT? ( glowering at drink)
SB - I got you a Cocktail, special occasion... ( speshhul uccashhhin to be exact)
Me -If I'd wanted a cocktail I'd have asked for a cocktail ya eejit!
SB headed back to the bar for a bottle of Ouzo ( He's a GOOD man)
I awoke the next morning.
I had a ring on my finger.
It was the ugliest thing you've ever seen.
That morning the ring and I made quite the perfect pair!
SB agreed...
Yesterdays post should have been "The Proposal"
Oh well, even genius has it's moments.
Chapter 2 " The Engagement" ( there, that's right)
June 1989 SB and I took off to Crete for a vacation and to buy "the ring".
To this day, I have no idea why we wanted to buy an engagement ring in Greece?
1989 Air Traffic Control were having "an episode" and our flight was delayed.
ATC forced us into the nearest Pub where we had no choice but to imbibe for several hours.
Neither of us have any recollection of
a. Leaving the bar.
b. Boarding the plane
c. The flight
d. The arrival
e. Being put on a bus
f. Arriving at the Hotel
Aye those were the days!
The following week is rather hazy, Ouzo will do that to you, be warned.
We did gaze, peer, through reddish, bloodshot eyes into Jewelers shop windows as we staggered between bars.
On the last night of our vacation -
Me - So are we going to do it or not?
SB - AGAIN? ( high pitched panic detected)
Me - Buy a ring ya Eejit!
SB - Oh that ( relief evident)
Me - Well?
SB - I suppose we had better.
There were LOTS of bars on route to the shopping area of town.
We of course found it necessary to visit each one as we headed out on our ring buying mission.
To the best of my recollection we stopped at the first Jewelers and kinda propped ourselves up on the window.
SB - See anything?
Me - Nope (literally a haze)
SB - What about that one? ( swaying index finger)
I have no memory of buying the ring.
Next recall is in a bar...surprise!
SB, once more fighting his wee way through the crowds, drinks in hands, arms upraised ( am I detecting a pattern here?)
Having safely settled the drinks on the table, he hands me the box with the ring in it.
Me - WTF is THAT? ( glowering at drink)
SB - I got you a Cocktail, special occasion... ( speshhul uccashhhin to be exact)
Me -If I'd wanted a cocktail I'd have asked for a cocktail ya eejit!
SB headed back to the bar for a bottle of Ouzo ( He's a GOOD man)
I awoke the next morning.
I had a ring on my finger.
It was the ugliest thing you've ever seen.
That morning the ring and I made quite the perfect pair!
SB agreed...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Love is in the air - John Paul Young
Since I can think of nothing interesting or witty to ditty about today I'm going to bore everyone with a stagger down memory lane.
My memory lane.
SB and I get hitched.
Chapter 1. The Engagement
It was 1989. A balmy night in Edinburgh.
We were sitting on a wall, outside a pub, waiting to go to a Van Morrison concert at Edinburgh Castle.
Why were we on a wall?
The pub was full to capacity, we were overspill.
SB went inside to get us "more" drink, because we really needed more.
He fought through the crowds, arms upraised...didn't spill a drop.
He handed me my beverage and as he swayed ( music playing in his head?) he slurred -
SB - shoow je wannae git married? ( imagine an inebriated Sean Connory voice here)
Me -( Fell off the wall )
Yep there I am! Mouth agape...
He took that as a yes.
His Mantra :
More to follow, if you like?
My memory lane.
SB and I get hitched.
Chapter 1. The Engagement
It was 1989. A balmy night in Edinburgh.
We were sitting on a wall, outside a pub, waiting to go to a Van Morrison concert at Edinburgh Castle.
Why were we on a wall?
The pub was full to capacity, we were overspill.
SB went inside to get us "more" drink, because we really needed more.
He fought through the crowds, arms upraised...didn't spill a drop.
He handed me my beverage and as he swayed ( music playing in his head?) he slurred -
SB - shoow je wannae git married? ( imagine an inebriated Sean Connory voice here)
Me -( Fell off the wall )
Yep there I am! Mouth agape...
He took that as a yes.
His Mantra :
More to follow, if you like?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Natural Disaster - Andrew Bird
Happy Presidents Day.
Yet another excuse for having 3 (swapped at birth) kids terrorizing the house.
They are each, a weapon of mass destruction...could clear a city with just one ear piercing scream.
Maybe I should hire them out?
Make some money?
Irrelevant.
Today is all about bodily fluids.
Yes, we all suffer from them.
I ask you this:
Why are they odiferous and I'm not talking fragrant here!
Why are "certain" fluids reminisce of soapy dish water...figure it out yourself ladies
Throughout nature there are wonderful tastes and aromas.
The humble Orange, the delectable Peach and what about the Strawberry?
What about the Strawberry.
Small, insignificant wee red thing growing on the ground.
But the smell is delightful and the taste is tantalizing on the tongue.
I might even get over my aversion to "Coos" if there were strawberries involved.
A country garden, delectable - inhales, deeply satisfied.
The Roses, Herbs and fragrant borders...
(Well that was interesting in a pee your pants bodily fluid kind of way!
I asked Photobucket for "Country Garden" and got 100 photos of a Chinese family eating dinner in what must be their favourite restaurant!)
Back on topic.
1. Yep, your correct, I have been cleaning bathrooms this morning.
2. Why, oh why, oh why, do even fluids emitted through pleasurable means, have to be so...
yucky?
Someones having a good laugh at our expense. Mother Nature thinks she's funny, huh?
That's all I'm saying!
Yet another excuse for having 3 (swapped at birth) kids terrorizing the house.
They are each, a weapon of mass destruction...could clear a city with just one ear piercing scream.
Maybe I should hire them out?
Make some money?
Irrelevant.
Today is all about bodily fluids.
Yes, we all suffer from them.
I ask you this:
Why are they odiferous and I'm not talking fragrant here!
Why are "certain" fluids reminisce of soapy dish water...figure it out yourself ladies
Throughout nature there are wonderful tastes and aromas.
The humble Orange, the delectable Peach and what about the Strawberry?
What about the Strawberry.
Small, insignificant wee red thing growing on the ground.
But the smell is delightful and the taste is tantalizing on the tongue.
I might even get over my aversion to "Coos" if there were strawberries involved.
A country garden, delectable - inhales, deeply satisfied.
The Roses, Herbs and fragrant borders...
(Well that was interesting in a pee your pants bodily fluid kind of way!
I asked Photobucket for "Country Garden" and got 100 photos of a Chinese family eating dinner in what must be their favourite restaurant!)
Back on topic.
1. Yep, your correct, I have been cleaning bathrooms this morning.
2. Why, oh why, oh why, do even fluids emitted through pleasurable means, have to be so...
yucky?
Someones having a good laugh at our expense. Mother Nature thinks she's funny, huh?
That's all I'm saying!
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