The Boy(s) are (is) Back In Town by Thin Lizzy

Well my "people" I've had nothing but annoying stuff going on recently - hence the blog hiatus.
Who the hell wants to listen to me whinging?
Tonight was tres provocative though!
No ye dirty buggers!
NOT sexytime.
Holy wee-bee-jeebus, ye cannae get the "quality" readers these days...you know who you are though ;-)
Ahem ( that was me clearing my throat, small pygmy, been rummaging around in there for days, drunk and disorderly)
Provocative! Yes!
Soooo, I have this Face Book thing going on.
Some of you know this and I have to say it's been THE best fun "chatting" LIVE!
I started it because I wanted to (had been trying for the last 20+ years) find my BFF from High School.
I opened an account and guess what?
There he was!
It was truly sublime...
OR in his words " Fuck a Ferret...as I live and breathe...Fiona!"
You can tell he was quite the emotional wreck as regarded the whole reunion.
Took him quite a few days to compose himself, I'm still waiting for the prognosis on the Ferret...
For some reason, known only to my "Dumbledores Pensive" ( check out MIKE, he investigates me, LOL)
I decided to create a "How well do you know me" quiz.
The results have been Provocative
I'm excited, interested, intrigued...
My BFF got things, like my middle name, what I wanted to be when I grew up, historical person I would like to meet etc
It blew me away.
He remembers.
Height, weight , shoe size, not a clue! but the things in my adolescence which were closest to my heart were recalled by him 30 years, my husband, his wife and (too many, lol) beautiful kids later.
That's a pal
That's a buddy
That's a BFF
Have to say though that my GF here came so darned close it was a wee bit freaky! LOL luv ya A!
That's all, happy thoughts bustin through the blogiverse tonight.
OR as Bilbo might say " your probably drunk"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am the very model...by Gilbert and Sullivan

Bathroom re-model, kitchen re-model, bang goes my " new (pert) boobie " fund!
The bathroom is almost finished and the kitchen is due to commence, June 15th.
SB and I went to choose Granite counters, a sink and faucets today.
We were assisted by a lovely "geriatric" sales person, who had as much PC savvy as yours truly!
*sighs*
Even I know, that when you only have 2 PAGES and your looking at page 2, hitting the "next" button, ain't gonna take you anywhere!
He was determined though.
He was clicking that wee mouse, like mice were going out of fashion.
We didn't have the heart to tell him, he was HAPPY!
The problem was, we wanted to buy a copper sink and needed the plug holes!
He couldn't find them.
He was going to call the manufacturer tomorrow.
We came home, I checked online and guess what?
Just as I was reading the page, stating that the sink we had chosen CAME WITH the plug holes, the phone rang.
It was the geriatric, giving us that self same useful piece of information!
Bless his wee heart...
Also
Did you know?
To have some fancy groove on the edge of yer counters costs up to $800!
For a groove!
As you who visit here know, my family were all masons, soooooo I'm thinking it must be in the genes.
A Hammer and Chisel and I should be good to go...

Go Brave by Farmer Nappy

I was catching up on some blog reading and The Abbot
got me thinking about Braveheart ( The movie )
SB and I boycotted it for 10 years!
Why?
Mel Feckin Gibson is why!
You have to understand that William Wallace is a National Hero.
The historical inaccuracies in the movie would have had Willie turning in his grave!
Everything, from attire, to people yet to be born.
See, I can call William Wallace "Willie" THAT'S how close we are!
Then, to add insult to injury, in 1997, "we" were informed that a statue of Willie was to be placed outside the Wallace Monument.
Behold the beautiful Wallace Monument -






The crowds gathered for the unveiling ceremony
All through Scotland people marked time in excited anticipation.
The country was roused, as it eagerly awaited the new tribute to it's Hero.
The Veil came off!
Yes it did.
And what did it reveal?
Mel FECKIN Gibsons PUS!
( the book cover should give you the word definition ;-)
The Wallace Monument was desecrated! Click on the link, the photo is clear and you NEED to see this...trust me...
The work of sculptor Tom Church, was the cause of much controversy and one local resident stated that it was wrong to "desecrate the main memorial to Wallace with a lump of crap"
Go local Scottish resident!
In 1998 the statue was vandalised by someone who smashed the face in with a hammer.
Go Scottish vandal!
After repairs were made, the statue was encased in a cage at night to prevent further vandalism. This has only incited more calls for the statue to be removed as it now appears that the Gibson/Wallace figure is imprisoned; an irony, considering that the statue bears the word "Freedom" on the plinth.
Hollywood? Hollywood!
I will consume a whole Haggis, drink a bottle of Talisker and THEN fart in your face!
WOW I'm so "BRAVE" sometimes, must be in the genes, huh?

Yessir Thats My Baby by Count Basie

As I always say "Life's too short for vegetables"
I say that - A Lot.
I have no idea why...
My dearies, this week "life" has just been too short, period.
WT has gone full blown Thespian, WT to FBT?
Hip Hop classes continue as do recitals ( Great America Theme Park in San Jose last Saturday THAT was a "cheap" day out! ) costume purchases, extra classes for the big summer production and she's also started a Jazz Class.
Oh, and let us not forget the Violin Classes and recitals combined with her decision to enter the School Talent Contest ( this Friday) doing the now infamous Hoedown Throwdown!
I can't keep up with her!
I'm OLD!
WTF business did I have BREEDING at 36 years old? HUH?
I blame SB - It was the opening game of the World Cup 1998 Scotland v's Brazil
SB took one for the team!
The result?
WT
*sighs*
SB and John Collins ...what a pair.



They both scored ...on a penalty...*sighs*
WT, what can I say?
I honestly thought, this one's gonna look like me!
The other two were there dads double.
I was going to call her Riosin ( Gaelic for Rose/Rosie)
C-section later out she popped!
SB lookielikie...grrrrrrrrrrrrr how does he DO that?
No Riosin there, so quickie name change to Niamh.
FYI Riosin = Rowsheen, Niamh=Neeve Ooooops, WT, what am I thinking? lol
Long rambling short.
WT is her dads double, BUT she's her mum 100%!
It sings, it dances, it takes front stage at EVERY opportunity.
WT? Rosie? no matter - DATS ma gal!

Eternal Flame by The Bangles

Just a quickie - that's what she said.
Friday night is usually Chinese take out here in the house of B.
This weekend we messed up, Wine? Food? Wine? Food?
Wine won. SURPRISE!
So tonight is Chinese take out. I'm all discombobulated with this change in my OCD life!
SB perusing the menu, decided to google Mongolian BBQ.
Why?
Let me tell ya!
On our wee menu it says " Prawns, chicken or beef FLAME KISSED in Mongolian BBQ style"

aside - SB just informed me that he has NEVER had ANYTHING "flame kissed" in his life!
YES I'm offended, wouldn't you be?
I'm sputtering even as I type...
Moving on, in an offended manner.

Mongolian Barbeque according to Wikipedia -
Mongolian barbecue (Chinese: 蒙古烤肉; pinyin: Měnggǔ kǎoròu) is a restaurant style of stir frying meats and vegetables over a large, round, solid iron griddle that is as large as 2.5 m in diameter and can cook at temperatures as high as 300 °C or 572 °F. Originally from Taiwan, it is neither Mongolian nor barbecue.
Neither Mongolian nor Barbecue!
WTF?
I need a drink...

Your Mother Should Know by The Beatles

Mothers Day is a royal pain in the bahooky.
Mothers Day in the UK was March 22nd.
Find a Mothers day card in the USA in March and I'll put you on my Christmas list!
Every feckin year "the mums" go all numpty because we didn't send a card, in March.
If I was a good daughter I'd buy cards here, in May and post them the next year, in March.
But I'm not a very good daughter and my mum would support me 100% on this.
I was a precocious child, a teen horribilis and it's been downhill ever since.
My "Punk" years in the 70's almost killed the poor soul.
Practicing the POGO in my bedroom was banned following some slight ceiling plaster incident.
This meant Pogo practice in the garage.
She somehow thought my Dad could "manage" my Dying Fly moves by yelling (somewhat hysterically)
"F**deeeeeeeeeeeeee she's dae'n that dead flee thing again!"



My actually leaving the house on Summer evenings, when it was still light out, was what really put her over the edge.
Three cans of Hairspray resulted in a great Siouxie Sioux lookielikie!
( Actually the only time in my life that my hair "worked" )
Enough black Khol to make me look like a negative.



My wardrobe, ah yes...
The woman had no feckin clue how many painstaking hours were spent ripping and safety pinning! It was a bluddy ART!
Weekends were the worst.

Mum - Please F?
Me - Whaaaaaaaaat?
Mum - Please wait till it gets dark ?
Me - NO!
Mum - Please, please, dinnae go oot till it gets dark?
Me - Mother dear, what on earth is wrong with going out right now? ( or words to that effect)
Mum - Fowk 'll SEE YE!

She never did "get it"
The whole feckin point was that "fowk" WOULD see me...couldn't bluddy miss me!

Since Mum has got herself a PC and I've given her my link
( she's working on figuring out how to maneuver and click the mouse over it)
and she may read this within the next year or so,
I have only this to say
" You did NOT make Anarchy in the UK easy!"
Oh, and your card is in the mail...

Mary Had A Little *Lamb* by Wings

Great minds do indeed think alike!
BILBO has a great post today ( nothing new there )about the French, which just happens to be the route my wee addlepated brain cell was taking this morning.
Our niece lives in France, is married to a charming French guy and has three adorable wee boys.
We spent a few summers in France, partaking in gastronomic delights accompanied by exquisite Vin.
I like France, I love French food sooooo -
I have just finished re reading Julie and Julia My Year of Cooking Dangerously which as some of you may recall, spurred SB into buying Ms Childs book MtAoFC and following in Julie Powells steps (working his way through the recipes)
The book is great ( I don't want to bore those of you who have read it and if you have not then DO! It's a fun read)
All we "bloggers" can identify with the impact blogging has on your life and Julie gives a very honest account of her personal journey.
AND the MOVIE is coming! Woohoo!
The trailer looks fun and I can't wait to see it.
Thats all for today peeps!

Have I told You Lately by Van Morrison

16 years ago today I entered willingly into a life sentence.
No parole.
No reduction in "time" for good behavior.
No appeals.
Yes darlings, today, 16 years ago, is the day I said "I do"
Actually it probably sounded more like " hmmmsniffdusobsniff"
I was VERY emotional!
SB was his usual cool, calm and collected self, sporting a shitty green colored suit that he'd bought for a Funeral five years earlier. It almost still fitted him.
I was decked out in pink. Pink, me, it doesn't get much uglier than that!
Here we still are though, together and happy as sand boys! ( WTF is a sand boy?)
What has sustained us through good and bad, rough and smooth,
thick and thin ( him thick, me thin!) sickness and health?
Only one thing, if ye ask me!
SB makes me laugh.
Every day.
No exceptions.
And the funniest thing of all?
I love the Eejit!
This is "our" song. Ahhh NOW the concert makes sense huh?





Just in case I haven't...I luv you baby!

That's Entertainment by Van Morrison

Picking up from where I ran out of time and got all stressed and sweaty.
It happens, deal with it. ( god knows I have to)
The crowd of crones at the Van Morrison gig continued...

This post is not meant to offend ANYONE so if you get numpty I'm sorry but I cannot tell a lie.
Just for Gilahi I'm even giving you the song to match the post title!




1. There was ONLY disabled seating down front. Wheelchairs and walking frames vying for prime spots. Those walking frame dudes can get mighty violent! They have the weapon right there in their hands. Poor wheelchair oldies didn't "stand" a chance. ( I just came up with that! The "stand" joke, shit it doesn't sound funny now does it? Was it ever?)

2. Drink. The bars were all located at the top of the theater. A feckin hike even for us youngsters so there was no booze drunk in the lower ranks. Not that you'd know it given the shaking and stammering that was going on
( Parkinson's and strokes who needs booze?)

3. The highlight of our night was when Van the Man arrived in a Limo.
The theater is outdoors so the Limo drove right up next to the stage.
Four or five humongous bouncers started yelling at the crowd to MOVE BACK!
WTF?
Panic in the wheelchair ranks as they attempted break neck "wheeling"
Anarchy in the walking frame " GANG" They had fought hard to establish ground over the "wheelies"
Bouncers inducing Cardiac Arrests and mild to severe strokes in the audience is just fecked up!
What, pray tell, did they think these old farts were gonna do?
Jump on the Limo?
Jump on Van?
None of the audience in the immediate vicinity could WALK for feck sake!
Van emerged to silence, well apart from screeching wheelchairs and audible wheezing.
After the paramedics had gained control over the audience the concert began.
What a feckin night...
I'll say it again though, Van the Man, sublime...
AND HE'S 60feckin3!

This Has Got To Stop by Van Morrison

Saturday night we headed out to the Greek Theater in Berkley to see Van the Man.
There it is! (look down ya eejit) The Greek Theater. Lovely Jubbely venue.



It had been raining all day but the evening turned out quite warm and balmy.
We parked the car.
$20!
To park!
SB was whining about needing to "go potty" so we headed over to a couple of Porta Peepoops.
He went in one and I - checking the "vacant" sign first, as you do - I swung open the door of the other one.
Some guy in there going peepee! Why didn't he lock the friggin door?

Me - *screech* ( remember I do not possess the scream gene )

I couldn't take off running, I had to wait for SB!
The door opened and the peepee guy came out.
PPguy - There ya go, I'm done.
Me - Oh, ok, ehmmm thanks
PPguy - You didn't miss much anyway!
Call it nerves, call it hysteria, call it what you will, I started to cackle and I mean CACKLE like a feckin demented witch.
WTF?
I cackled all the way through my ablutions and was still pretty high pitched when I was through.
Out I came only to find SB staring at me all wide eyed and concerned.
SB - What the hell happened?
Me - Ach I just met some auld guy takin a pee ( all nonchalant like )
SB - WHAT? Ye were screechin and cackin like a bluddy loony!
Me - Aye that would be me!

We arrived at the theater entrance and got in line - the line looked like this -


I had been to the Salon on Friday for a "cut and colour" so I stood out a wee head of auburn in a sea of Grey.
AND everyone with the exception of us had brought along Tush cushions...WTF happened to dancing? HUH ?
I do not like getting old!
More to follow on the "senior" gig crowd.
Have to say though, Van Morrison was sublime...