Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dedicated follower of fashion

So say the Kinks. Like they knew you could loose extremities in the attempt!
Be warned Skinny jeans can cause loss of feeling from the knee down if attempting any position but upright.
I speak with absolute certainty on this!
The Child Iseult has a few pairs, one of which she decided were too baggy at the knees?
WTF who has skinny knees? The patella goes out not in for gods sake.
In fact according to Wikipedia : The patella or kneecap is a thick, triangular bone which articulates with the femur and covers and protects the knee joint. It is the largest sesamoid bone in the human body.
Her addlepated teenage bird brain will not be convinced that she does not have inverted knees and the jeans are just 1mm baggier (that's a laugh) than her other pairs.
I paid $$$ for these "pants of torture" they won't show up in the Thrift until next year so I had no choice and cannot see them unworn without having a panic attack ( I could have had a Goodwill spending spree for half the cost).
What's a mother to do? Wear them of course!
Having lost 5lbs, sweat and energy squeezing into the things ( she's a size 0) off I go, gasping for air, purple in the face and hoping no-one wants me to have a conversation due to lack of Oxygen, my constricted diaphragm already screaming "free free set me free"
The car journey was painful but not unbearable. I arrive at the Ranch to be met with compliments! Really! "Wow those jeans are cute" "love the pants" etc to which I could merely muster a nod and grimace. The compliments and the too tight jeans left me a bit light headed so I soldiered on " mind over matter" and all that.
All in all coping okay until I decided to ride with one of my students.
The bend in the knee finished me.
After 6 mins, numbness in baby toe, slightly worrying
After 10 mins no sensation in all five digits, not good.
After 15 mins lack off sensation up to calf, Huston we have a problem.
The dang things were so tight they were cutting off circulation at the knee.
No way I could dismount, I'd be like friggin "jello legs" in the dust. Feet out of stirrups and circling ankles at least that was the idea. Of course, due to lack of feeling I'm having to look down to make sure my brain is still relaying messages to my extremities. Half an hour later I'd regained enough sensation to safely get off.
Conclusion : Skinny Jeans should only be worn in circumstances which require a vertical body position at all times.

No comments: