Friday, March 27, 2009

Voices by Randy Orton

What's it called when you hear voices in your head?
I know there's a real word for it...

Sybil Pictures, Images and Photos

That's it.
Well, I've caught it.
I hope it's not contagious because I'll go crazy if the other four people I live with get it!
Oh, wait, I AM crazy aren't I?
Why am I asking you? Your all as daft as brushes!
(Where did that phrase come from I wonder? "Daft as a brush" Is it a Scottish thing?)

My present "condition" is worse in the mornings and around dinner time, it can be quite irksome.
Let me set the scene.
I have a dishwasher! Wooohooo for me.
The Dishwasher fits nice and snug under the COUNTER.
Every morning, no exceptions, SB has breakfast, rinses his coffee mug, cereal bowl and spoon.
He then places them ON THE COUNTER!
WTF is with that? HUH?
Now, as if that's not enough to make you go "Sybil", the young people I am forced to share this house with, have decided that "Daddy knows best"
They all leave for School/Work...and Sybil kicks in...
I need you to imagine wee thought bubbles here because Stage4 Sybil has not yet set in,( talking out loud to myself ) it's close though, really close!
For the sake of interpretation I will refer to my thoughts/voices as Things I and II

Thing I - Well lookie lookie! (all smarmy like)
Thing II - Yes dear I know ( all sheepish like)
Thing I - He is incapable of putting his feckin dirty dishes in the dishwasher!
Thing II - He was in a rush this morning
Thing I - Rush my feckin arse! He's just a lazy bas$%&%d
Thing II - No,no,no, he just wasn't thinking
Thing I - How feckin much "thinking" does it take to RINSE and PUT IN THE DISHWASHER!
Thing II - Oh stop being a NUMPTY!
Thing I - I'M the numpty!?
Sooooo if YOU don't load all the dishes they're just going to sit there till he gets home?
Thing II - Don't be silly dear you know I've got OCD
Thing I - So does he sweetie, so does he...

Dinner is pretty much more of the same.
Any other Sybil sufferers out there?
Maybe we could start a Club? ( that was Thing II talking, right there)
Thing I, wants to start a GANG!

Even the Dishwasher has an opinion on this. I know because it tells me so.

Dishwasher - SB and small humans I have only this to say...

Dishwasher Pictures, Images and Photos


Mike said...

Only one person should load or unload the dishwasher. That saves the embarrassing holler question “ARE THESE CLEAN?” And yes I load and unload around my house. It's the only system that's fool proof.

fiona said...

Mike - Not good enough! LOL My Dishwasher has a wee red light that comes on with CLEAN written on it when it's done washing!

lacochran said...

Must catch him in the act. Men are like cats. After the fact won't do.

Best not to call him a nasty furball to his face, though. Just sayin...

Bilbo said...

We have a dishwasher. Agnes married it.

fiona said...

LA - Nasty Furball would be taking the "gentle" approach! Maybe I should hit him over the head with the Dishwasher? I'm freakishly strong...just saying
Bilbo - I wanna be AGNES!

wc#3 said...

In order to deal with your relationship with the Dishwasher, I strongly suggest that you engage your oh so very theatrical tallent and AUDITION!! :P

LiLu said...

Can I be in the gang?? I know a good target who needs to be taught a lesson... he lives in my apartment...