Friday, January 2, 2009

In The Eye - Suzanne Vega

Happy 2009 people of the blogaroonie-sphere.
Saturday nights Party left SB and I presumed dead.
Alcohol poisoning will do that to you...just a friendly warning.
Sunday - ? ( I assume it happened)
Monday - Occurred, this I know because two totally unrelated events stuck in my
still intoxicated brain cell.
1. GF visited. Took advantage of my delicate condition and signed me up for
a trip to Victoria's Secret Sale...need I say more? THAT'S how bad I was.
2. Left eye swollen, red puffy.
Me - did you feckin punch me last night?
SB - Whaaaaa? *barf* I dinnae think so *barf*
Me - Well there's something weird going on!
SB -* arf * ( a wee barf = arf )
Tuesday - Occurring but not "happening" with the exception of the now "Cyclops" left
eye. And Yes I also am renound for my hirsuteness...

cyclops Pictures, Images and Photos">
Wednesday - Soberish. Left eye has now taken on massive proportions. Starting at eyebrow, swollen to half way down cheek! Feckin HUGE. I need medical help.
I call my GF to cancel "Victoria". No way I'm going "there" with two droopy boobs and a feckin droopy eye!
I luv luv luv my GF. ( She has historically taught me to function in this US and A including but not limited to ordering a sandwich!) she talked me through calling K#$*er to make an appointment to see a Dr.
Immediately.
I followed her instructions to the letter and was eventually (35 mins listening to some elevator music) told to apply a hot/cold compress. WTF?
Kaiser Incompetent Klingon - If it's a stye then a hot compress. If it's an infection then you need to use a cold compress.
Me - so which should I use?
KIK - Is there a pimple?
Me - Eye acne?
KIK- can you see a pimple?
Me -It's a huge bulbous appendage...no pimple
KIK - Hmmmmm
Me - So can I see a Dr?
KIK - OH NO. Not until Friday. Earliest.
Me - But it's Hogmanay and I have a THING where my eye should be!
KIK - Tell you what, do 5 mins hot then five mins cold compresses, that should cover
all bases.
Me - Ehhmm thanks? *hang up*
It's Friday, ET looks like a feckin supermodel compared to wee me.
What was my left eye is now a mushy, red, swollen blob.
I look like a stroke victim.
6/1/08 red and swollen  left eye Pictures, Images and Photos">

Is the eye stye a 2008 epidemic? I'm feeling for the gal above. She is my soul mate.
Poor baby.
So begins 2009.
I'm entering it with "one" eye wide open, the other...not so much

9 comments:

John said...

So sorry to hear about your misfortune. I truly hope that everything about 2009 is better!

fiona said...

John - I'm winkin on the bright side
that would be the right! TY
dear ;)

Mike said...

So your lettin' this wee eye problem affect your blogging?! Let's not let another booby Sunday go by unanswered.

fiona said...

Mike - wee eye problem...the eye IS a FECKIN boob! I'm just waiting for the pimple/nipple to rise...lol

Amy said...

Fiona dearest- get thee to a doctor asap- you need antibiotics for that if you've been having any yellow or greenish crusties. If both eyes are bugging you, try taking some benadryl. My guess is that you have a bad caser of conjunctivitis or broke your zygomatic bone- either way, you need a medical professional asap.

Go, go now!!

Amy

Bilbo said...

"Two droopy boobs and a feckin' droopy eye." Ah, my dear Fiona, I stand in awe at your ability to evoke unfortunate mental images. Can it be fate that the verification word is "pookee"?

AbbotOfUnreason said...

What a strange place to store your alcohol for later consumption.

I hope you feel better soon.

lacochran said...

Sorry about your eye. Sounds nasty and in need of medical attention, for sure. Go to the emergency room, if freakin' Kaiser won't play nice.

Oh, and a Suzanne Vega reference?! Bless you!!

fiona said...

Amy - I think your right with the conjunctivitis diagnosis...thank you sweetie
Bilbo - It's all true, true I say!
Abbot - Keep it as close to the mouth as possible darlin!
LA - deepest thanks for your blessing, does that mean I'm a nun or saint or something now? lol