Thursday, November 13, 2008

Cuts Like a Knife by Brian Adams

Those of you who know me, know that I am "The Best Shopper" ever.
Those of you who don't know me should!
My girlfriends hate me for it and the sex bomb is the envy of their husbands/boyfriends.
Nothing tickles me as much as this:-

Girlfriend- Oh I LOVE your dress, it's so cute, where did you get it?
Me - Thrift Store $2.50

I get all warm and fuzzy inside. I am empowered by Thrift Stores, Dollar Tree, Grocery Outlet and Ross.
Debra Jackson agrees with me.
No Need to Dress Up to Go Shopping.. Pictures, Images and Photos
Those days dear reader may have come to an end.
It's just too much humility.
Too much shame.
I can no longer pretend that it's okay and no-one else notices.
If it were Macys, Nordstrom, JC Penny I might be able to suffer in silence.
If it were Armani, Gucci, Prada I would suck it up totally.

But to be asked, on three separate occasions in three different stores if I "qualify" for SENIOR FECKIN DISCOUNT is unbearable.

Have you seen the tellers in Ross? In Goodwill? In The Dollar Tree?
If they have a tooth between them they're smokin...
Not to mention uni brows, uni boobs and every other uni imaginable.
I have suffered their bad breath and armpit aromas without comment.
Stood patiently as they take 10 minutes to put two items in a plastic bag. They have real issues with plastic bags but do you hear me complain?
Waited without shuffling my feet and sighing as they send for a price check.
I've shown nothing but kindness and this is the result...

What to do?
I looked long and hard in the mirror.
No clue who the old bitch looking back was.
When Grandma learns to email Pictures, Images and Photos
My reckoning. It's going to cost $1000's to take me back to my 30's. Surgery,pain,downtime.
Is it worth it?
Hell NO!
Just think of how much shopping I can do for a mere $20.
Ball cap, shades and some lippy TaDa! A total makeover.
Or there's always old faithful?
Shame Pictures, Images and Photos


Mike said...

Different stores have different 'senior' ages. The answer to the question is always yes! A discount is a discount.

fiona said...

Mike your NOT helping! lol

Gilahi said...

Have you received your AARP membership invitation in the mail yet? I have.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Like senior in college?

Went into a chip shop down the street from where we first moved in in Glasgow. They had an OAP special. Being the stupid American, I turned to a woman in line and asked what an OAP was. "And why are you asking me?" she said in a huff and then left the place without ordering.

fiona said...

@Gilahi - did you and Mike attend the same "Charm" school? I am a VERY young 40something! Just for the record...
@ Abbotofunreason - RIGHT answer ;)
just an FYI, I went home hungry that night!

LiLu said...

Ah, I can't tell you the number of times I've mistaken a young lady for an older one, or worse, a MAN or WOMAN for the opposite, while bartending and in a hurry. I am sure it was the fault of too quick a glance, nothing more.

Mike said...

You get to join AARP when your 50. So your not THAT far away. Gilahi and I will even fill out the application for you being the nice considerate guys we are.

And remember, to a 17 year old, everyone over 30 looks old.

fiona said...

@Lilu - OMG now there's something to look friggin forward to!
"Sir do you qualify for senior discount"...some serious waxing going on tonight!
@Mike - You and Gilahi my darling gents ;)

lacochran said...

I'm 46 and I get "Ma'am"ed more and more. Makes me stabby.