Sunday, October 26, 2008

Call Me by Blondie

Yesterday heralded the arrival of my new cell phone and something called a Bluetooth?
I've been grouching and complaining since the powers that be decided talking on the phone and driving a car were incompatible.
It's the only place I DO talk on the phone, I'm not busy, I'm driving.
I have phone phobia. I do not like them. I do not like it when my phone rings.
I'm fine when I make a call but get rather irate when other people call me.
I don't know what the hell my problem is.
I like people, I am a social animal, when I get started you can't shut me up.
E-mails I like. I can choose when to read them and when to respond.
Maybe it's an age thing you know? Growing up in the "pre-cell" era when voice mail didn't exist and personal space was just that "personal"
No bluddy phone ringing in your purse when you are standing in line at Wally World becoming more and more pissed off because the wee ancient wumman in front of you is quibbling about a 25cents off coupon which the cashier says is out of date and judging by the condition of the coupon ( a crumpled wad with some yeughy stains on it) it's a no contest.
funny old lady Pictures, Images and Photos
I'm hot, frazzled, checking my timepiece realising I have to be home for Scoots bus in 10 minutes, wee old wumman is verging on violent, cashier is loosing her cool and off goes my phone. I don't pick up. I would loose ALL of my friends.
Friend - Hi how are you? ( all smiley like)
Me - What the *expletive* do you *expletive* want for *expletive* sake?
( thank you Wird for switching off the vacuum cleaner dear)
My friends get it, I hope! when some weeks I go phone AWOL.
So now I have a thing that I have to stick in my lug (lug=ear) to enable "on route" conversations.
The sex bomb put me through an intensive training program which I thought was a wee bit ridiculous but he assures me was necessary for safety reasons. Didn't want me crashing the car whilst trying to figure out the mechanics of my latest gadget.
Buletooth 101 as follows:-
Sit opposite each other at the kitchen table.
Stick wee gadget in lug. Feels horrible, I do not like things stuck in my lug. I know this now.
Press wee button on wee gadget till I hear a beep. I do not like things stuck in my
lug that go BEEP.
Sex bomb calls me.
Music in my lug, I do not like this AT ALL.
I press the wee button again and there he is talking to me. I do not like the sex bomb in my lug...period.
He assures me that I will learn to like it. I am not convinced.
In any case I do not have a bluetooth, mine is pink.
me- why are you calling it a bluetooth when it's pink?
sb- shaking head, despair written all over his face.
PINK H500 Pictures, Images and Photos
pink cell phone Pictures, Images and Photos
Me, my new pink cellphone and my pinktooth are about to take to the road.
Call me dear friends, if I am in the car I promise I'll pick up!


Mike said...

I noticed you didn't publish your number.

I recently sort of had to get a cell phone after resisting for ever. Luckily I hardly ever get any calls on it. It has come in handy a couple of times but I could do without it.

weirdtales said...

U R Funny..and it's no longer "vacuum"'s just "vak"..much easier to spell with less brain in "Feck" is much easier and shorter than "explitive"..I'll leave the feckin vak off though..(had to get one more in)..did you notice my revised postings/songs? later...wird

Bilbo said...

I don't much like a woman with a bluetooth. White teeth, those are okay. Even a bit yellowish is all right. But blue...forget it!

weirdtales said... more time, I did this B4 but it didn't post..I'm kinda pissed..but UR Funny! I Have a cell phone that never rings, cuz nobody ever calls me..and I go to a grocery store where it takes 20 minutes to get a feckin pack o smokes, cuz the wummans in line are doin' scatch offs with the little plastic spoon taped to a pen or some stupid flower thingy..or someone is payin' their bills via Western Union..which takes 4evvvvvvvvvver..and my vak is off..although.."feck" is a lot shorter and easier than "expletive" it's @%*^% expletive snowin' here right now, which kinda secks!..secks not sex!

lacochran said...

Very chic!

I am not a phone person, either. In person, yes. Via email, sure. IM, okay. But phone? Bleah.

fiona said...

@Mike - I hear you clucking big chicken
@Wird - I love your song choices! See my comments.
@Bilbo - and Pink? your thoughts please?
@Wird - LMAO
@Lacochran - A chic chick? A chic Chicken? A chic Turkey...better likeness of me methinks.
Glad to know I am not alone :-)

Mike said...

I guess I'll have to leave my number. It's BR549.
.... (I'm letting this one cook a little bit.
So what's with the number? I was going to tell you but it might sound made up. Then I thought ... HEY! I wonder if it's in wikipedia? IT IS! Read the second half of the first paragraph.

fiona said...

@ Mike -*They took their name from a telephone number regularly used in a Junior Samples sketch on the television show, Hee Haw.*

Haw...hee haw :-)

moooooog35 said...

"I do not like the sex bomb in my lug."

Seriously - if I didn't deduce that 'sex bomb' was a guy and 'lug' was your ear, this article would have taken on a whole new meaning.

Run with that.

Narm said...

But without cell phones - who would make annoying commercials that makes me want to rip my hair out?